This article was sponsored by LoveHoney. I personally endorse their toys! Check out my review here.
Male Masturbation: A touchy subject
This article was sponsored by LoveHoney. I personally endorse their toys! Check out my review here.
As a kink educator and coach, I spend most of my time talking to AFAB and trans women about pleasure.
Those of us born with a vulva and those who acquired one later in life tend to enjoy less sexual pleasure than folks with penises. Additionally, it is becoming increasingly normal for anyone with a vulva to have a sex toy in the house.
No one really teaches any of us to masturbate. While there are a good number of classes for people with vulvas discussing how to get comfortable with their genitals, the number of classes for people with penises is really small! The reality is, for many men (and other folks with a penis) there are complicated feelings about masturbation and self pleasure.
Why Masturbate?
Too many of us grew up in homes where masturbation and sex were not discussed or worse, seen as "dirty" or "wrong." While masturbation and self-exploration is totally normal for children, parents often discourage it or shame them for it. This happens to all genders. As a result, we become adults who can feel guilt and shame when we try to enjoy solo sex.
There are a lot of reasons for adults to masturbate. For folks with penises, these include getting to know your own body, increasing your sex drive, and keeping your prostate healthy. Yes, regular masturbation and ejaculation is important for your health!
Men (and all folks with penises) are rarely taught about identifying what is pleasurable to them. There is an assumption that as someone with a penis, you will enjoy any form of sex you can participate in and you will climax with any type of stimulation. This is simply not true! Everyone has a unique set of needs to enjoy intimate relationships and sex. It takes time to get to know your body and your needs. Masturbation is a key tool in this discovery.
Myths About Masturbation
We all grow up hearing myths about masturbation
.Let me dispel a few.
Myth 1: Masturbation with injure you physically (hair will grow on your palms, you will go blind, etc). Nope. Not true at all! Masturbation is a healthy habit for all folks.
Myth 2: I should only masturbate if I don't have a sexual partner. Nope! It is healthy and completely normal to masturbate even when you are in a satisfying sexual relationship. It can even increase your sex drive and your satisfaction with partnered sex.
Myth 3: Masturbation will make it too hard to climax with a partner. Nope! If you masturbate the same way every time, you can get accustom to specific sensations which will bring about orgasm. To make climax more likely with a partner, you need to either show your partner the types of stimulation you desire OR change up youor masturbation techniques.
Techniques, Tools, and Tips
The response to myth number 3 above is one reason why adding a variety of penis masturbation toys to your routine can be useful. If you have a variety of masturbation aids, you can experience different sensations, techniques, and discover new forms of pleasure.
The most common male masturbator is a Fleshlight. Fleshlighs are non-mechanical toys which often look like a flashlight with a pocket pussy on one end ()(hence, the name). These toys offer folks an option to masturbate with something that feels akin to a vagina or anus.
Why use a fleshligh? Lots of reasons! If you have been enjoying your hand as your primary solo sex partner, adding a fleshlight to the mix can help you become accustom to the sensations of sex with another person. These toys can help you find what sensations in a vagina or anus which is most pleasing to you.
You should use lube with these toys! It will really improve the feeling and the entire experience. By trying different lubricants, you can see which feels the best for you. While some folks will enjoy something slick with a neutral taste and feel (like this one) other people will enjoy warming or cooling sensations in their lube. Additionally, using lube gets you comfortable to adding it to your sex routine which will help your partners enjoy sex more too!
Folks who want to feel more like someone else is doing the work, who have body dysmorphia, or who have hand and wrist limitations should definitely consider adding a male masturbator to your collection. These toys use vibrations, pressure, and suction to increase the pleasure during masturbation. For folks who have hand and wrist limitations, these masturbators can bring back your ability to self-pleasure or extend your ability.
For folks who have feelings of shame, guilt, or dysmorphia when touching their own genitals, a male masturbator is a great way to self-pleasure without triggering these negative feelings. Finding a stroker you can attach to a shower wall. night stand or other stable support can increase your ability to trust or imagine blow-job simulator while you masturbate.
Additionally, I will attest after working with several young trans women, choosing a masturbator which allowed them to self-pleasure without touching their own genitals allowed them to enjoy the experience without having to dissociate or experience dysmorphic feelings about their bodies.
The bottom line is, masturbation is an important part of your journey to understanding your desires and pleasure needs. The more things you try, the more you will understand yourself and get the sex and intimacy you desire.