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The Submissive Advantage

Updated: Aug 23, 2022

Submissives are some of the most seductive people in the world. Regardless of what we look like, if we are introverts or extroverts, or our skills in the bedroom, we are sexy. What makes us sexy? What makes us seductive? Its our attentiveness.

Submissives often embrace service as part and parcel to who they are. We may not identify as a service sub, but even brats, littles, and ponies serve their D-types. Our service extends well beyond the bedroom and dungeon. It is this service that will reel you in and make you want us.

Quick, think of your partner (or choose one if you have several). Answer the following questions:

  1. How does your partner take their coffee or tea?

  2. What is their favorite meal for dinner?

  3. What do they splurge on when they buy themselves a treat?

Can you do it? Have you had coffee with them and made a note on how they take it? Have you ever asked about their favorite meal? If so, you are well on your way to being sexy. If not, you may want to ask them.

Now, answer this:

  1. When was the last time you brought your partner coffee in bed they way they want it?

  2. When was the last time you gave your partner a massage without expecting anything in return?

  3. When was the last time you gave your partner a gift?

Some of you will be able to tick these answers off quickly. It is what you do. Many of you, however, will not be able to answer any of them.

What people find sexy about submissives is that we pay attention and take care of the needs of our partners. I have met hundreds of men who have no interest in the weird stuff I do in bed. However, when they find out that I give my guy a pedicure every week, they find that amazingly sexy. Most of these are men who don’t get pedicures and think about their feet only when their toenails start to tear the socks. The idea of a partner voluntarily taking care of grooming like this is deeply appealing and romantic.

When I go to a coffee shop and my partner takes a seat and I order and bring him coffee the way he likes it, our friends think this is subtlety sexy. The fact that I both know how he likes his coffee and get it for him without asking is an act of devotion that is simple and people want.

In any relationship we want to feel special and cared for. Little acts of service, regardless of where you identify on the D/s or vanilla scale, are kindnesses that we all crave. Submissives learn this early. We train to better serve our partners. Many of us do this because we enjoy it and it makes us happy too.

The trick with effective service is it has to be unique to the person. Bringing you a black coffee if you really prefer herbal tea with honey in the morning isn’t special. Ordering dinner with no thought as to what the other person likes is just taking care of yourself. You have to pay attention and ask your partner about likes and dislikes. You have to learn their moods and needs. You have to pay attention.

Most relationship columnists and therapists point out that kindness and attention are critical for successful long-term relationships. Service is exactly this.

If service doesn’t come naturally to you, try some of these things:

  1. Learn what your partner likes for different meals. Observe them and ask what they enjoy.

  2. Allow a few minutes for transition when you meet. When they arrive home or for a date, give them a few minutes to settle in before launching into conversations or making out. If you meet in public, giving a few moments to get what you want to drink and settle into where you are at will help ease things.

  3. Learn how to order their favorite drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) at a bar.

  4. Leave a little note of appreciation in their purse or bag.

  5. Make a playlist that features their favorite music for the car or home.

  6. Iron their work clothes.

It is these details that lend romance, kindness and support to your relationships.

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