The other night I was at a poetry open mic billed as a “safe space” for the LGBTQAII community. As per the norm in such spaces, the host was asking each person who signed up what their preferred pronouns were. This has become common practice in a lot of queer and sex positive spaces. I gave her my honest answer, “I don’t care.” My partner was in line behind me to sign up. The host asked him the same question. He replied “male” but after walking away, said he was very offended

It is Pride month. This year is particularly politically charged. There are fights about adding black and brown stripes to the Pride flag. There are articles on how to be an ally to queer and trans folks. There are fights about how to incorporate trans folks more visibly and inclusively into Pride. There are lots of articles this year about recognizing bi folks as part of the community. I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted. Amidst all the talk of intersectionality, alli

Kink, in many forms, is now more popular and more visible than ever. I knew we had gone mainstream when American Dad, Family Guy and even Raising Hope had kink references in the shows that aired during Prime Time without additional warnings. Pretty much every mainstream magazine has covered BDSM and kink: Playboy, Glamour, Cosmo, Vogue, GQ, and now even Redbook. Is this a good thing? I am not so sure the mainstreaming of kink is a good thing. Part of this is being part of the

We are living in an age where certainty is demanded. Any time someone changes their mind or expresses any level of uncertainty, people pounce. Politicians are called “flip-floppers,” public figures are vilified, and individuals are called “weak,” or “uncommitted” or “dumb.” This demand for certainty is both ridiculous and detrimental. In terms of gender and sexuality, certainty is a killer. We have moved to a point were culturally we expect someone to know who they are and wh

A friend of mine, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, just became an American citizen. Upon receiving her passport, she posted on Facebook that she thought it would feel different becoming an American, that she would somehow feel included. She got her passport a day after the travel ban was announced. She did not feel American, nor did she feel like she belonged wholly in her country of origin. Like those of us who occupy space in multiple camps, us bisexuals, pansexuals, dual

Let’s talk about the idea of “religious freedom” and why it is absolutely imperative for all of us to be as queer and kinky as possible. Someone inside the current Putin/Bannon administration “leaked” the “religious freedom protection” document today. This document outlines the plans for stripping rights from millions of Americans. [I enclosed leaked in quotes because I think this is more of a trial balloon than an actual leak.] The wording released for the upcoming Executive

When I woke to news of the mass murders in Orlando last month I was devastated. The pain was visceral. I cried for days. Dozens of my queer compatriots were gunned down while celebrating their lives during Pride month. It made me ill. My partner is a man who hasn’t been steeped in the LGBTQ community. He knows gay folks and he is asks questions to figure out stuff and is kind and open to finding out why the community is so important to me. But, he does not have the history or