I teach a class about setting a scene from the submissive’s perspective. I spend about 90 minutes talking about engaging the 5 senses and using energy to set the space and create an experience. Inevitably, after the class, people tell me, “You know, I have never thought that much about setting up sex.” I know this is true. In fact, great sex according to American romantic comedies, is suppose to be sex that involves no thought beforehand. The characters fall in love, then in

Being part of the kink and BDSM community provides an alternative conception of what is a good sexual encounter.In the vanilla-ish community, orgasm is the end goal of most sex. Both men and women want to climax at some point during the sexual encounter. If someone does not climax, it is often seen as a less than successful encounter. Some people in the vanilla-ish community come to understand that they and their partners are not always going to reach orgasm during every enco

Humiliation is something that most people avoid if at all possible. Many of us have had that moment at work or with friends where something is said about or to us, we cringe, blush and want to shrink into a corner or out of the room. It can be a horrible feeling. Often when we are humiliated we want to avoid the person that brought about the humiliation. Many times, when we are humiliated, we respond with anger. I have had deeply embarrassing things happen at work and in pers