I was lucky when it came to discovering kink. There was almost no separation between my first kiss and my awareness of the kink community. By the time I heard Master and Servant by Depeche Mode in 1986 (I was 12), I had an inherent knowledge of what they were talking about and it seemed normal and right to me. Not everyone is that lucky. Most people I meet discover kink long after they discover sexuality. There is often a period of guilt or disgust about their own desires. Ma

I am a feminist. I am a submissive. This is my choice. There is no conflict between the two for me. However, my submission is not an act of a feminist because I simply choose submission. Not all choices by women are feminist choices. Simply fulfilling my needs and desires through submission do not make me a feminist. My submission and choice to submit gains its power and definition as a feminist act because it is made after I understood the larger social structures, mores, an

I want to talk about perceptions versus reality of submission. There are a lot of misconceptions for both vanilla folks and newbie kinksters. I have seen these misconceptions lead to all sorts of relationship issues and emotional harm for submissives. I want to clarify some common ideas about submission and talk about the some of the things people need to think about prior to submitting. DISCLAIMER: I can only speak from my experience and relate what other subs, slaves, and b

Conceptions and understanding of race in America have long fascinated me. Race, at least for Americans, is generally a primary identification along with gender, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. Both personal racial identity and perceived racial identity (not the same at all for some people) have tremendous impacts on daily life. Race has been a huge in shaping politics, social interactions, perceptions of the poor and underclass, and determines in part our personal relation

This is an open letter to anyone who has recently discovered that there is a kinky world out there and they now think they want to explore it. First, most kinky folks welcome you to your journey into kink. And it is a journey. Second, please know there are some basic guidelines that will help you with your exploration. These thoughts and tips are meant to help you select how you want to explore kink and how to avoid common pitfalls. BE SAFE! For months before 50 Shades premie

There are several avidly anti-porn groups that are doing huge social media pushes asking people to boycott 50 Shades of Grey. The general argument is that the movie portrays bdsm and that all bdsm is inherently abusive to women. While I will boycott 50 Shades for other reasons, the anti-porn folks are wrong on many accounts. First, bdsm is not abusive to women. The assertion that bdsm is anti-woman and abusive relies on misunderstandings and bad representations of bdsm. Most