What is Consensual Nonconsent?

Rebecca Blanton
14 hours ago
4 min read

Consensual nonconsent (CNC) is sexual fantasy play that involves at least one person “forcing” someone else to engage in sex. It used to be called “rape play.”

CNC play is one of the most common fantasies among adults. In a study by Bivona and Critelli, they found approximately 62 percent of women in college fantasied about rape play. These findings are just slightly higher than previous studies. There are very few studies examining cis men’s CNC fantasies. Much of this research is focused on correlation between CNC fantasies and perpetrating sexual violence rather than the enactment of these fantasies within a consensual context.

What Acts Are Included in CNC?

Consensual nonconsent fantasies and play, like more sexual play, have a range of manifestations. This includes “reluctance” or being “pressured” to do something to intense body play, bondage, and multiple partners during a scene.

As the discussion of CNC fantasies have become more accessible to people, other activities have come to fall under the CNC umbrella, including:

Starting to have sex with a partner when they are unconscious/asleep;
“Free use” of a partner which means one person arranges to have other parties (strangers or friends) have sex with the submissive partner without engaging the submissive in negotiations about sex;
Use of chemicals and drugs to alter the consciousness of one or more people during sex;
Having a person “break in” to their home to initiate sex;
Abduction and kidnapping scenarios.

Why Is This Such a Common Fantasy?

Many people like CNC fantasies because it allows them to release personal responsibility for wanting sexual activities they may have shame or embarrassment about asking for. If you are “forced” to do something in a fantasy scenario, personal responsibility for the desire can be off-loaded to the other person.

Some players enjoy various forms of CNC because it allows for an increase in control or an increase in letting go of control. For people who enjoy power exchange in relationships, many CNC scenarios mark an intensification of the power dynamic.

Others still will engage in various CNC scenarios because it increases the risk they take in a sexual scenario. People with high risk tolerance and a desire for new and intense sensations are drawn to CNC play because it fulfills these needs. Much like a person who seeks out base jumping or free-form rock climbing, the risk is part of the trill.

What is the Difference Between CNC and Sexual Assault?

Consent is the key difference between CNC and sexual assault. CNC prioritize consent as part of creating a fantasy scenario. Sexual assault happens in the absence of consent.

For something to be a CNC scenario, the parties involved in the event have discussed a lot of different things prior to engaging in this behavior. People negotiate what activities will and will not be included in the scene. They negotiate birth control and STI prevention methods. There is a way to stop the scene if anyone involved is in distress. Physical and mental health issues are negotiated and safety precautions are put in place. An aftercare plan is made.

The goal of these prior negotiations is to create a safe container to explore a sexual fantasy. By creating boundaries around time, place, activities, and personal safety, it allows people to explore without the fear of harming themselves or others.

Are People Who Like CNC Play Mentally Ill?

There is no academic evidence that people who engage in BDSM play, including CNC, have any more mental health issues than the general population. That said, there is a growing group of people who are advocating CNC as a form of therapy to address prior traumas.

Some therapists see CNC fantasties and their consensual enactment a form of shadow play (Leland et al., 2019). More often, people writing about BDSM, CNC, and trauma have suggested that CNC can be a form of narrative therapy.

The combination of therapy and CNC play currently has very little in terms of research or practical studies. There are huge risks involved in pursuing CNC as part of a “therapeutic” form of play. While the face value of the idea is solid, the current risks are immense.

I fall on the side of, “Don’t sleep with your therapist. Don’t turn someone you are sleeping with into a therapist.” I also strongly discourage folks from pursuing CNC as a “therapeutic regimen” on their own.

What Has to be in Place for CNC to Truly be Consensual?

There are a lot of different models for consent. From “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” to “The 4 C’s” to “Explicit Prior Permission” these models offer ways to establish that everyone wants to engage in specific types of sexual play.

Key aspects of consent for CNC is that all the activities included in a scene are discussed, negotiated, and agreed to by all parties prior to engaging in the activities. There is ALWAYS a way to make the action stop if any person involved needs to stop. People are not pressured, nagged, or forced to agree to activities they do not want to engage in. People are unimpaired by alcohol, drugs, or an altered state of consciousness when they are negotiating.

Bottom Line

Consensual Nonconsent is not an activity to engage with lightly. The chance for physical or psychological harm to one or more people is significant. This is not something you want to do with a stranger.

CNC scenes can be a lot of fun. They can be thrilling, erotic, and sometimes healing for the people who consensually engage in them. There is a lot of leg work someone needs to do to ensure that the scene is really consensual and steps are taken to reduce the risks for people engaging in the scene.

Want to know more? I am teaching CNC: The Do’s, Don’t’s and Everything In-Between through Black Thorn online on May 16^th. You can attend live. Ticket holders will also get a recording to watch at a later date.

References

Bivona, J., & Critelli, J. (2009). The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents. The Journal of Sex Research, 46(1), 33–45. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490802624406

Levand, M. A., Chando, S. C., Wolfe, M., Pillai-Friedman, S., & Love, E. (2019). The light in the shadows: therapeutic explorations of fantasy and fear*. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 34(4), 473–495. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2018.1486029