Consensual Nonconsent (CNC) Kink

Consensual Nonconsent (CNC) – often dubbed “rape play” – is growing in popularity. A look at search trends on Google shows that the search for “what is CNC” and “CNC kink” skyrocketed by more than 600 percent in the last two months of 2025. Posts on Fetlife about CNC abound after years of having this kink banned or severely limited on the site.

So what is CNC? Why is it so popular right now? And is it just a way for abusers to reframe their behavior?

What is CNC?

Consensual Nonconsent originally meant “rape play.” It specifically referred to play which mimicked sexual attacks where “No” and “Don’t” couldn’t stop play. It was also one of the forms of kink which necessitated safe words. The term now covers a variety of forms of play where one partner gives over consent for play and there are very limited ways to stop the action once it begins.

Over time, CNC has come to include play without a safe word, play where hard limits may be challenged by players, and agreement between players around what a “hard limit” means to them.

Consent is PRIMARY in CNC

Consensual, the first word in CNC, is the most important part. Kink play is always consensual. It means players have negotiated the play boundaries, have agreed upon limits, and there is a way to stop play. Without these parameters, play cannot be consensual.

Where some folks get confused is the idea that some words cannot stop play. Consensual nonconsent play often abandons plain language as a form of communication. Words like “No,” and “Stop” won’t stop play. To give over to play of rape fantasies, the person receiving the action may want to shout out protests and cry to stop the action as a way of making the fantasy feel more “real” or “risky.” For many people engaging in CNC, the use of a typical safe word (e.g., “Red” or “Pineapple”) will stop play when someone is in distress.

Consensual also means that the activities in play have been negotiated prior to the paly commencing. Negotiations should include not only the physical activity of play, but what emotions want to be experienced, and how to handle any triggers, negative physical or emotional events, and potentially work with a mental health professional who is not involved in the play.

CNC Without a Safe word?

For some players, once they have developed trust in each other, may agree 1) to stop using a safe word, and/or 2) to redefine what the safe word triggers in terms of action. Before considering any of the actions described below, you should have an established relationship with your partner(s) where they have repeatedly proven their trustworthiness and ability to read your physical responses during any kink play. This is not something which can be established in just a few sessions of play. The potential for physical and emotional harm is high when you abandon your traditional ways of stopping play.

Some long-established play partners will remove the safeguard of a traditional “safe word.” This allows partners to push their partners beyond agreed upon limits. In the case of “no safe word” a partner may actually use a safe word or otherwise communicate they are in the “red” zone but the agreement between the partners does not require the play to stop.

Does this mean that there is no way to stop play if a partner is in distress? No. Absolutely not. While a partner may opt to push beyond the use of a safe word, partners have reached a point where they can communicate about the level of distress. This may be bodily movements or responses, verbal communication, or coded communication.

For example, some partners abandon the use of a safe word and adopt a version of a scale to rate the intensity of play. For example, “What time is it?” as a check in question. A “One o’clock” response indicates things are all good. A “12 PM” or “midnight” response indicates a partner has reached their limit. The partner controlling the action can use this feedback to determine if they want to do one or two more actions to push the play or stop. The partners have a level of trust and experience with each other to use a combination of physical and emotional reactions to determine the end of play.

Warning: Trusting a partner to stop when you do not have a clear and determined way to stopping play puts all players in danger. The risk of causing actual physical or emotional harm during play is high. If you opt to engage in this form of play, you will need to establish ways of navigating post-play if something bad happens.

Pushing Hard Limits

Any player who has been in the kink scene for more than a few months will be familiar with “hard limits.” This is a list of activities that the person never wants to engage in with anybody. We all have different hard limits. There is no need to justify why you don’t want to do something. If you don’t want to do it, make it a hard limit.

Some forms of negotiated CNC play will allow partners to push hard limits. For example, if a person has a hard limit of water sports (play involving urine), during a CNC scene where hard limits are in play, the other partner may urinate near the partner without urinating on them. The “hard limit” of watersports is still technically in place (there is no urine on the person and they are not consuming it) but it is near the person and in the scene.

After the scene, it is important to discuss all parties reactions to the pushing of the hard limit. Processing the emotions and physical reactions to the activity is important to maintain trust and growing a kink.

Potential for Abuse

Of course, CNC opens the doors to abusers. Any form of CNC places players in high-risk situations and creates a method for abusers to justify their behavior claiming harmful actions took place as consensual nonconsent. We have seen this play out in several court cases internationally.

How can you lessen the chance someone with malintent wants to engage in CNC with you?

First, vetting is important. Some kink communities are good about sharing information with players about potential abusers. Talk to local folks who know the person you want to play with. Ask about their reputation and skills. If you do not have much of a local community to connect with, check them out online. Fetlife, for all its faults, has the ability to connect you with others who know the person you want to play with. Ask questions about their personal experiences with them.

One caveat to that: gossip and third-hand information is often not reliable. For me, when I hear rumors of a problematic person or space, I contact people who have first-hand experience. Even when I don’t know the person well or may only be connected via social media, I have found that many are willing to give an overview of what really happened.

First, my advice would be to avoid any form of CNC with people who you do not have a long and on-going relationship with. Time and repeated play sessions allows you to get a sense of their behavior. My rule is “How someone does anything is how they do everything.” If someone fails to respect a boundary before engaging in CNC, they will not protect you during CNC.

Something as simple as respecting time limits is a good early test of someone’s trustworthiness. If you clearly state you don’t want a partner calling you before or after a certain time unless it’s an emergency and they violate that, you cannot trust them with other behaviors.

The more you play with a partner prior to engaging in CNC play, the more opportunities you have to see how they play, how they understand your body, and how honest they have been about their capacity as kink player. It also gives you a chance to see how they engage in aftercare and public presentations of the relationship.

Bottom Line

All forms of CNC are high-risk types of kink play. They require special negotiations and understanding of risks. This play should not be engaged in casually, or with folks you do not have a trusted relationship with.

For professionals, there are also additional legal risks to engaging in CNC which must be addressed prior to play.

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Want to learn more about CNC? I'm teaching a class on January 17th at The Batterie in Sacramento.

Ticket link: https://givebutter.com/JLCs2oPlease do not pay if you have not been vetted. We won’t be able to refund you.

To be able to come to any event at The Batterie, you must have filled out our vetting form. (https://airtable.com/appV9vF0CPyU4apAf/pag3MsVL7dCy1xtpw/form)