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Writer's pictureRebecca Blanton

Yes/No/Maybe List for Mental Health Symtpoms

Yes/No/Maybe for Mental Health Symptoms & Behaviors

People engaging in various forms of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Dominance/Sadism/Masochism) and power exchange often rely on Yes/No/Maybe lists of various kink activities to narrow down what they want to and do not want to do.


What is often not talked about is the underlying health and mental health of the players themselves. About one in five adults live with a mental illness. This rate is similar for adults engaging in BDSM and power exchange. There is a need to develop an effective way to talk about your illness and the illnesses of potential partners. Full, informed consent means that we can consider the risks of playing with people in various presentations of mental illness.


This is not a diagnostic tool. The presence of one or several of these behaviors, symptoms, and manifestations of illnesses and the medications which treat them does not mean you have a specific illness. If you are concerned you or a partner may have a mental illness which needs medical attention, seek medical advice. Looking for medical doctors and therapists trained to work with people in our community? Check out the Kink Aware Professionals list created by the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom.


Below is a list of common symptoms of a variety of mental illnesses and common side effects of medications used to treat a variety of these illnesses. Please note that every person will have a unique presentation of their illness and response to treatments. This list is designed to help you figure out what you are willing to work with in a relationship, what you bring to a relationship, and what would you prefer to avoid.


Because may of these symptoms are a spectrum form daily to very infrequently, I list many of them along with frequency. For example, insomnia is common for many different illnesses (not just mental health issues). Are you okay if your partner has occasional insomnia but uncomfortable if it is very frequent? I have both “infrequent insomnia” and “very frequent insomnia” listed. You may have a different answer to each of these questions.


Remember, this is not set in stone once you fill it out. Like other Yes/No/Maybe lists, your answers will change over time and with your own experiences. This is just a starting point for conversations.

 


 

Want a downloadable version of this list? Click here:



Issue/Presentation

A Partner Has This

You Have This

Accuses partner of cheating without proof

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Acts before thinking

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Always insecure

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Always on the look-out for a problem

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Always suspicious of others

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Always tired/fatigues

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Avoids situation/person which impact your ability to do things

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Belief they/you are a bad person

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Believes in conspiracies

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Cannot connect with emotions

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Cannot move past a slight harm in the past

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Cannot read social cues

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Changes/Cancels plans last-minute

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Chronic feeling of guilt

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Constantly stirs up drama

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Constantly talks about the same thing/event

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Cries a lot

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Cuts people out of life after small slight

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Disappears/Leaves without communication for at least 4 days

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Dislikes going out in public

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Dislikes going to social events

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Does not care about impact of their actions

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Does not tolerate being wrong/losing an argument

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Doesn’t feel connected to own identity

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Easily frustrated

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Easily influenced by others

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Excessively uses alcohol

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Excessively uses street drugs

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Fears having to take on any responsibilities

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Feels a need to “monitor” partner

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Feels useless

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequent bouts of sexual infidelity

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequent bowel issues

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequent difficulty focusing

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequent nightmares

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequently anxious

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequently doubts loyalty

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequently changes self-concept/identity

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Frequently feels in danger

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Gaslights

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Gets angry quickly

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Gets into fights

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Goes to a “self-help” group

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Hard time feeling joy

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Hard time taking care of themselves

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has a history of boundary violations

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has abused an intimate partner in the past

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has been hospitalized for mental health

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has been treated for addiction

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has criminal record

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has intrusive thoughts

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has suicidal thoughts

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Has tried suicide

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Holds grudges

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Impulsive, risky behaviors (gambling a lot of money, racing car on freeway)

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Inability to cope with stress

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Inability to leave home/go outside

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Intolerance of other opinions/ways of doing things

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Is sober

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Lack of physical endurance

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Large fluctuations in weight

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Lies a lot

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Long history of short, unstable relationships

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Low tolerance for new situations

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Must follow rigid schedule

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Needs excessive praise

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Needs near-constant reassurance they are good enough

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Needs to be the center of attention

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Not good with last-minute changes

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Occasional infidelity

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Occasionally anxious

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Often worried about abandonment

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Overheats easily

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Overly sarcastic

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Paranoid beliefs/thinking someone is always out to get them

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Periods of rapid mood swings

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Rarely finishes a project

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Refuses to compliment others

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Refuses to see a therapist

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Refuses to use medication to manage condition

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Rigid belief system

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Sees a therapist

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Sees doctor or therapist frequently

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Self-harms

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Self-medicates with alcohol

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Self-medicates with drugs

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Shuts people out

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Speaks very rapidly

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Takes advantage of others

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Takes prescription medication

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Talks behind other people’s backs/gossips

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Things must always be symmetrical/lined up

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Thinks they are better than other people

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Unable to sense time passing

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Uncontrollable twitching/jerky movement

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Uses energy healing/reiki

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Uses herbal supplements

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Uses holistic treatments

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Very sensitive to criticism

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Very stubborn

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Wants to control other’s behavior (without consent)

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Will not say no even when they/you want too

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Withdraws

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

Yells

Yes/No/Maybe

Yes/No/Maybe

 

 

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