Yes/No/Maybe List for Mental Health Symtpoms

Yes/No/Maybe for Mental Health Symptoms & Behaviors

People engaging in various forms of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Dominance/Sadism/Masochism) and power exchange often rely on Yes/No/Maybe lists of various kink activities to narrow down what they want to and do not want to do.

What is often not talked about is the underlying health and mental health of the players themselves. About one in five adults live with a mental illness. This rate is similar for adults engaging in BDSM and power exchange. There is a need to develop an effective way to talk about your illness and the illnesses of potential partners. Full, informed consent means that we can consider the risks of playing with people in various presentations of mental illness.

This is not a diagnostic tool. The presence of one or several of these behaviors, symptoms, and manifestations of illnesses and the medications which treat them does not mean you have a specific illness. If you are concerned you or a partner may have a mental illness which needs medical attention, seek medical advice. Looking for medical doctors and therapists trained to work with people in our community? Check out the Kink Aware Professionals list created by the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom.

Below is a list of common symptoms of a variety of mental illnesses and common side effects of medications used to treat a variety of these illnesses. Please note that every person will have a unique presentation of their illness and response to treatments. This list is designed to help you figure out what you are willing to work with in a relationship, what you bring to a relationship, and what would you prefer to avoid.

Because may of these symptoms are a spectrum form daily to very infrequently, I list many of them along with frequency. For example, insomnia is common for many different illnesses (not just mental health issues). Are you okay if your partner has occasional insomnia but uncomfortable if it is very frequent? I have both “infrequent insomnia” and “very frequent insomnia” listed. You may have a different answer to each of these questions.

Remember, this is not set in stone once you fill it out. Like other Yes/No/Maybe lists, your answers will change over time and with your own experiences. This is just a starting point for conversations.

---

Want a downloadable version of this list? Click here:

Yes No Maybe MI list.docx

Download DOCX • 24KB

Issue/Presentation	A Partner Has This	You Have This
Accuses partner of cheating without proof	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Acts before thinking	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Always insecure	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Always on the look-out for a problem	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Always suspicious of others	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Always tired/fatigues	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Avoids situation/person which impact your ability to do things	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Belief they/you are a bad person	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Believes in conspiracies	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Cannot connect with emotions	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Cannot move past a slight harm in the past	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Cannot read social cues	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Changes/Cancels plans last-minute	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Chronic feeling of guilt	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Constantly stirs up drama	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Constantly talks about the same thing/event	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Cries a lot	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Cuts people out of life after small slight	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Disappears/Leaves without communication for at least 4 days	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Dislikes going out in public	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Dislikes going to social events	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Does not care about impact of their actions	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Does not tolerate being wrong/losing an argument	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Doesn’t feel connected to own identity	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Easily frustrated	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Easily influenced by others	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Excessively uses alcohol	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Excessively uses street drugs	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Fears having to take on any responsibilities	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Feels a need to “monitor” partner	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Feels useless	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequent bouts of sexual infidelity	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequent bowel issues	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequent difficulty focusing	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequent nightmares	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequently anxious	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequently doubts loyalty	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequently changes self-concept/identity	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Frequently feels in danger	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Gaslights	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Gets angry quickly	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Gets into fights	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Goes to a “self-help” group	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Hard time feeling joy	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Hard time taking care of themselves	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has a history of boundary violations	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has abused an intimate partner in the past	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has been hospitalized for mental health	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has been treated for addiction	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has criminal record	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has intrusive thoughts	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has suicidal thoughts	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Has tried suicide	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Holds grudges	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Impulsive, risky behaviors (gambling a lot of money, racing car on freeway)	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Inability to cope with stress	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Inability to leave home/go outside	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Intolerance of other opinions/ways of doing things	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Is sober	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Lack of physical endurance	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Large fluctuations in weight	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Lies a lot	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Long history of short, unstable relationships	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Low tolerance for new situations	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Must follow rigid schedule	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Needs excessive praise	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Needs near-constant reassurance they are good enough	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Needs to be the center of attention	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Not good with last-minute changes	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Occasional infidelity	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Occasionally anxious	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Often worried about abandonment	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Overheats easily	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Overly sarcastic	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Paranoid beliefs/thinking someone is always out to get them	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Periods of rapid mood swings	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Rarely finishes a project	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Refuses to compliment others	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Refuses to see a therapist	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Refuses to use medication to manage condition	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Rigid belief system	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Sees a therapist	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Sees doctor or therapist frequently	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Self-harms	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Self-medicates with alcohol	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Self-medicates with drugs	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Shuts people out	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Speaks very rapidly	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Takes advantage of others	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Takes prescription medication	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Talks behind other people’s backs/gossips	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Things must always be symmetrical/lined up	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Thinks they are better than other people	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Unable to sense time passing	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Uncontrollable twitching/jerky movement	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Uses energy healing/reiki	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Uses herbal supplements	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Uses holistic treatments	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Very sensitive to criticism	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Very stubborn	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Wants to control other’s behavior (without consent)	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Will not say no even when they/you want too	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Withdraws	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe
Yells	Yes/No/Maybe	Yes/No/Maybe