#bdsm

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

Rebecca Blanton

Oct 20, 2015
4 min

Halloween

I love Halloween. Its basically the primary gay holiday in the U.S. I love dressing up, going out, having a ton of fun, and finishing the bag of candy the kiddies didn’t get. However, Halloween also causes me a lot of concern. I have been following the protests about costumes for young girls for several years. Major outlets like Target, Walmart and Party City insist on carrying inappropriate costumes for girls. They will have the “cop” and “fireman” and “doctor” for boys and

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 17, 2015
3 min

Its Not All About Sex

Okay, I get that most people not in the kink community believe that kink and BDSM only refer to sex. I get that kink and BDSM are very foreign to most people. I get that it is scary and off-putting to people who are raised in the predominant cultural narrative about sex. I am also sick of this. Kink and BDSM go way beyond sex. There are communities, it speaks to relationship dynamics, and a lot of kinky people get together to do stuff like play cards, have dinner, and watch t

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 15, 2015
8 min

Fantasy Versus Reality

Copyright Eddy-Shinjuku. All rights reserved. I have the great pleasure of talking to lots of people about their fantasies. Some of this comes from working on my next book and interviewing people about things like rape fantasies and race play. Most of the time it is people who are familiar with my work talking to me about their personal fantasies. I always consider it an honor to talk to people about what they fantasize about. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about how fa

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 27, 2015
4 min

10,000 hours

Lots of people claim to be an expert in kink and BDSM. I bring this up because recently a couple of people referred to me as an “expert.” Its not a term I am particularly comfortable with. Kink and BDSM are so broad, there are so many ways to do things, and ultimately, every relationship is unique. I write from my perspective and never claim that I know what is “best” for anyone. I think I have a few things to add to the conversation since I have almost three decades of exper

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 24, 2015
4 min

Chasing the O

Being part of the kink and BDSM community provides an alternative conception of what is a good sexual encounter.In the vanilla-ish community, orgasm is the end goal of most sex. Both men and women want to climax at some point during the sexual encounter. If someone does not climax, it is often seen as a less than successful encounter. Some people in the vanilla-ish community come to understand that they and their partners are not always going to reach orgasm during every enco

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 20, 2015
8 min

We Need to Talk

We, as a society, need to talk a lot more about variants on sexuality and relationship styles. For a long time I have maintained that the oppressive modeling of the heteronormative monogamous marriage as the ultimate goal for adult relationships is harmful. Now that I am out an open as a kinky person, I am realizing how much damage this image causes people. In the last three months I have had almost a dozen conversations with people who have said, “Wow! I did not know this ex

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 6, 2015
9 min

Discipline, Punishment and Abuse

I went to a meeting of submissives this week and an interesting discussion question was posed: What is the difference between discipline, punishment and abuse in an D/s and BDSM relationship. This is an important question that needs lots of discussion and clarification. Many D-types integrate discipline and punishments into their dynamics with submissives. It is part of the power exchange that occurs in these types of relationships. Many submissives and slaves I know actually

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 3, 2015
8 min

Kink Visibility

I have been asked several times in the past few months about what I think about the growing visibility of kink. With the massive explosion of 50 Shades and all the products marketed with that more people are aware that some people practice BDSM or dominance and submission. I listened to quite a few conversations about how the kink closet is the next closet to come to people’s attention and how increased visibility will allow kinky people to be who they are. In all honesty, I

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How to NOT Interview a Kinkster:Real Answers to Lazy Vanilla Reporter Quesions

Rebecca Blanton

Jul 22, 2015
4 min

How to NOT Interview a Kinkster:Real Answers to Lazy Vanilla Reporter Quesions

Now that I have been doing interviews with mainstream media folks about kink and non-monogamy, I am learning there are some pretty standard questions. Like any professional artist (writer/musician/visual artist/comedian) I grow weary of the repetitive nature of these interviews and the lack of research by many reporters. Below are my real answers to the standard questions and what I actually say. Kinky people who talk about their lives with others will probably relate. You pr

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 19, 2015
5 min

Loving Black Men

The timing of this post is prompted by a discussion currently occurring on Fetlife (major social network site for the kink community). A site member called out the racism which occurs on the site and has prompted a lot of discussion about race and racism in the kink world. As someone who dates primarily Black men, I wanted to way in on some issues. Loving Black Men I love Black men. I do. Since my ex- and I split, I have almost exclusively dated Black men (I have played with

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 16, 2015
9 min

10 Things for Newbies to Think About

I was lucky when it came to discovering kink. There was almost no separation between my first kiss and my awareness of the kink community. By the time I heard Master and Servant by Depeche Mode in 1986 (I was 12), I had an inherent knowledge of what they were talking about and it seemed normal and right to me. Not everyone is that lucky. Most people I meet discover kink long after they discover sexuality. There is often a period of guilt or disgust about their own desires. Ma

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 15, 2015
6 min

Loving a Sub with Mental Illness

I live with Bipolar I. I have since I was about 11, diagnosed at 20. It is fundamental to who I am and I have never not thought about it for a day in more than 21 years. Just the exercise of having to take medication or supplements reminds me that my mind is a bit off. This creates an interesting set of issues with partners. I have had one serious partner refuse to marry me, stating it was not worth the risk that she would one day come home to find my body after a suicide. I

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 13, 2015
4 min

The Flavor of “Sir”

I experience language differently than a lot of people. Words have sound and meaning, and I can see them written on a page as other do, but words also have flavor, texture, depth and feeling to them. Words are tactile and some have meanings that my cells have known since birth. I roll words around in my mouth, tasting them, feeling them slide over my tongue and glide down my throat. They slide through my fingers, tugging at the grooves, leaving a moist or slippery trail, or b

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 10, 2015
6 min

On Bondage

The more I talk to people about the kink and BDSM world, the more I realize how many people do not see this world the way I do. For some reason I was never cursed with feeling shame nor did I ever find my desires abnormal. I guess my parents didn’t do enough to make me feel bad about my body while I was growing up. The desire to be tied up, liking certain types of pain, engaging in conscious power structures in relationships, being pansexual, always just felt natural to me. I

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Feminism, Bad Feminism, Choice, and Submission

Rebecca Blanton

May 16, 2015
7 min

Feminism, Bad Feminism, Choice, and Submission

I am a feminist. I am a submissive. This is my choice. There is no conflict between the two for me. However, my submission is not an act of a feminist because I simply choose submission. Not all choices by women are feminist choices. Simply fulfilling my needs and desires through submission do not make me a feminist. My submission and choice to submit gains its power and definition as a feminist act because it is made after I understood the larger social structures, mores, an

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 29, 2015
7 min

Myths About Submission

I want to talk about perceptions versus reality of submission. There are a lot of misconceptions for both vanilla folks and newbie kinksters. I have seen these misconceptions lead to all sorts of relationship issues and emotional harm for submissives. I want to clarify some common ideas about submission and talk about the some of the things people need to think about prior to submitting. DISCLAIMER: I can only speak from my experience and relate what other subs, slaves, and b

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New to Kink? Curios about BDSM? Start here

Rebecca Blanton

Feb 22, 2015
8 min

New to Kink? Curios about BDSM? Start here

This is an open letter to anyone who has recently discovered that there is a kinky world out there and they now think they want to explore it. First, most kinky folks welcome you to your journey into kink. And it is a journey. Second, please know there are some basic guidelines that will help you with your exploration. These thoughts and tips are meant to help you select how you want to explore kink and how to avoid common pitfalls. BE SAFE! For months before 50 Shades premie

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Why the Anti-Porn Folks are Wrong About 50 Shade

Rebecca Blanton

Feb 11, 2015
4 min

Why the Anti-Porn Folks are Wrong About 50 Shade

There are several avidly anti-porn groups that are doing huge social media pushes asking people to boycott 50 Shades of Grey. The general argument is that the movie portrays bdsm and that all bdsm is inherently abusive to women. While I will boycott 50 Shades for other reasons, the anti-porn folks are wrong on many accounts. First, bdsm is not abusive to women. The assertion that bdsm is anti-woman and abusive relies on misunderstandings and bad representations of bdsm. Most

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