#submission

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

Rebecca Blanton

Mar 26, 2020
1 min

Deepening Your Submission Resources

Howdy readers! I taught my “Deepening Your Submission” workshop last night through Wicked Grounds Annex. Participants asked that I put together a list of the resources I mentioned during the workshop along with the worksheet I provided. Here they are! If you did not take the class, these are still great resources for exploring submission. Check them out! I am sure I will teach the class again soon. And when travel is an option, I can come to your group and teach if you so des

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Rebecca Blanton

Dec 28, 2019
5 min

Introduction to Cock and Ball Bondage

Guest Post by Jett Oxy Perhaps you have always fantasized about binding balls, but not quite sure about your ability to pull it off? Well, your fears are over. Here is that much-needed starting information on how you can pull off an amazing cock and ball bondage. Yes, this play is quite exciting. Oh, it is addictive too – you would want to continue once you are into it. The sensation is excellent alongside some great looks. What’s more? You can combine it with other forms

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 5, 2019
5 min

Pain and Presence

There are different theories on how people “should” deal with pain. Some folks argue for being present with the pain. Some argue for focusing on other things and divorcing oneself from the pain. Some argue that you should use visualization to give your pain meaning. I don’t believe there is a right way to respond to pain. Nor do I believe in “shoulds” for the most part when talking BDSM. What I do know is I have spent years experimenting with how pain is understood and experi

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 14, 2019
5 min

Pain. The Good, The Bad, the Fun!

There is the myth that the Inuit have some amazing number of words for snow. They don’t- but we have all heard the myth. The concept is that they live with so much snow they learn to distinguish types and have a variety of ways to describe it because it is such a huge part of their daily lives. While the Inuit may not have 100 words for snow, I have dozens of ways to describe pain. I didn’t always have such a pain vocabulary, but pain has become such a huge part of my life, I

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 18, 2019
3 min

Why Collars Are Important to BDSM

Guest Post By: Spices of Lust Your BDSM experience is personal to you — and your partners. It’s meant to be whatever you make of it, and there are no hard and fast rules on what kinky things you can do or how you should structure your relationships. But there is one element of BDSM that even the newest kinksters have seen, heard about, or been asked their opinion on — BDSM collars. For some, a collar is a sign of devotion, commitment, and ownership. For others, it’s something

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Flip It and Reverse It: Protocols for Dominants

Rebecca Blanton

May 29, 2019
6 min

Flip It and Reverse It: Protocols for Dominants

I adore having protocols in a relationship. Those rules and rituals power exchange couples create to serve their relationship provide a sense of belonging and security to me as a submissive. Protocols have a wide variety. Some are routine (e.g., daily or weekly tasks), some are situational (e.g., opening the door for a dominant), and some are sexual (e.g., having a butt plug inserted before your D-type arrives for play). When kink classes teach about protocols it is almost un

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Rebecca Blanton

May 16, 2019
5 min

Shy? Here is how to open up

Shyness is something I have had a problem with personally. However, I have had several partners who are deeply reticent to talk about their needs and desires. It can be hard to open up about desires. Most of us are raised in cultures where talking about sex and kink desires is seen as shameful or bad. Couple that with a natural tendency to be quiet or an introvert and letting people know what you want and don’t want can be very difficult. I have had a few shy partners or part

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 15, 2019
4 min

Journaling (when you HATE to write)

Journaling is a common communication technique recommended in the kink community. However, most of us hate to write. I include myself in this group. Until my mid-30s I both hated to write and sucked at it. Seriously, a blank screen or page was torture. Having to come up with 500 words seemed like a daunting task. And I have dyslexia so writing was really painful. At munches and in reading about kink I would see the suggestion to journal and think, “Yeah, that is great if you

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“We Need to Talk”: Ambiguity in Relationships

Rebecca Blanton

Apr 2, 2019
5 min

“We Need to Talk”: Ambiguity in Relationships

“We need to talk.” Its the sentence many of us live in fear of hearing from our partners. When we get a text or a message or a partner says, “We need to talk,” and then leaves time between the statement and when they clarify what the talk is about, most of us start to mentally spin horror stories. A text of “We need to talk. Are you free tonight?” generally means for the next umpteen hours we will be running through a variety of scenarios all ending in horrible, relationship-

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Rebecca Blanton

Mar 8, 2019
4 min

Submissives and Self Care

Being a service sub myself, much of my joy in life comes from caring for other people. I get an absurd level of joy from things like cooking and cleaning for others. I’ve become convinced I was a scullery maid in a past life that was happy. That said, the one thing I am bad is self care. Its a trait I share with so many other subby types. When I found out that there was a support group for folks who tended to over commit to volunteer assignments and it was started by a leathe

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Rebecca Blanton

Nov 6, 2018
6 min

Topping From the Bottom

I can’t believe I haven’t written a blog post on topping from the bottom! How could I be so remiss of addressing a topic which comes up often in sub group discussions? Ah well… here is my take on the issue. Topping from the bottom is when a submissive tries to control the scene in various ways. This can be giving explicit directions during a scene, setting exacting constraints prior to a scene, refusing to do activities which are not on a hard or soft limit list, or other sim

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Rebecca Blanton

May 22, 2018
4 min

Identifying vs. Becoming

In the kinky world we use a lot of labels. Queer, kinky, top, bottom, Master, slave, Domme, submissive, baby girl, pet, Daddy, switch, demisexual, bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, cis, trans, agender, nonbinary, it goes on. While labels have a purpose, they are also problematic. Labels are great in that they provide a shorthand for us to identify something about ourselves and connect with others using this shorthand. For example, if I am talking to another person who has t

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Top 10 Tips for Loving Someone Loving with Mental Illness

Rebecca Blanton

May 17, 2018
6 min

Top 10 Tips for Loving Someone Loving with Mental Illness

It’s National Mental Health Awareness Month so lets talk about power exchange and mental illness. Depending on the source, between 20 and 25 percent of adults experience a mental illness at least once in a lifetime. This means there is a high probability you will, at some point in your adult life, date and/or love someone with a mental illness. Here are the “Top 10 Things” you should know about being in a romantic, kinky relationship with someone living with a mental illness

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 18, 2018
6 min

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. & Relationships

Power exchange relationships have many similarities to vanilla relationships. Both require kindness, understanding, communication, and support by and for partners to success in the long term. In most cases, both vanilla and power exchange relationships involve sex between the partners. Both types or relationships require respect, but respect is a bigger deal in power exchange relationships than in vanilla relationships. Power exchange relationships (i.e., Dominant/submissive,

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 22, 2018
5 min

7 Tips for the New Switch

So you want to try switching things up. Great! There are a lot of benefits to switching power positions (e.g., a submissive trying topping). You will learn a lot about your own desires and your own internalized perceptions of the side of the slash you occupy. You may also gain a deeper appreciation for the side of the slash you normally do not occupy. There are a few things to keep in mind if you try switching. 1. Your version of bottoming may not be the same at the person yo

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 19, 2018
6 min

Switching It Up

A couple of months ago I was performing with Bawdy Storytelling and had the great pleasure of hearing Race Bannon tell a story about the first time he bottomed. Bannon is a well-known Master in the kink community and has been for years. He didn’t bottom. One night he tried it and his story is about how eye-opening that experience was. This was followed by phone calls from two female friends both excited to tell me about how they recently fell into a dominant role in a relatio

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Rebecca Blanton

Mar 8, 2017
3 min

In Praise of “Just a Phase”

We are living in an age where certainty is demanded. Any time someone changes their mind or expresses any level of uncertainty, people pounce. Politicians are called “flip-floppers,” public figures are vilified, and individuals are called “weak,” or “uncommitted” or “dumb.” This demand for certainty is both ridiculous and detrimental. In terms of gender and sexuality, certainty is a killer. We have moved to a point were culturally we expect someone to know who they are and wh

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 24, 2017
3 min

The Submissive Advantage

Submissives are some of the most seductive people in the world. Regardless of what we look like, if we are introverts or extroverts, or our skills in the bedroom, we are sexy. What makes us sexy? What makes us seductive? Its our attentiveness. Submissives often embrace service as part and parcel to who they are. We may not identify as a service sub, but even brats, littles, and ponies serve their D-types. Our service extends well beyond the bedroom and dungeon. It is this ser

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 4, 2017
3 min

You Want Hair Where!?!

Okay ladies, let’s talk about hair. You know, the hair down there. When I went back out on the dating scene about five years ago I discovered there was a demand that women be bare. It didn’t really matter if you shaved, waxed or plucked. Men on the dating scene really, really hated pubic hair on the ladies. [They, of course, did very little personal grooming but god help you if you had pubes.] So, like many women I got rid of mine. I had let them come back in a bit after my d

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 20, 2016
5 min

S-type Must be Autonomous

I know that seems counter-intuitive to most people. Isn’t the role of an s-type based on giving power, sometimes total power, to a D-type? Isn’t that the appeal and purpose of submission? If we are going to talk about fantasy submission, sure I can agree with you. In the “perfect” world, in the fantasy world of Gor novels or The Story of O, where reality does not have to impede on human functioning, submission can be complete. In the real world, the one we live and work in, t

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