Guest Post By: Spices of Lust
Your BDSM experience is personal to you — and your partners. It’s meant to be whatever you make of it, and there are no hard and fast rules on what kinky things you can do or how you should structure your relationships. But there is one element of BDSM that even the newest kinksters have seen, heard about, or been asked their opinion on — BDSM collars.
For some, a collar is a sign of devotion, commitment, and ownership. For others, it’s something to use while you get kinky with a partner. Why are collars so important to so many people in the BDSM community? As with everything kinky, it depends on the people who use them.
BDSM Collars as Symbols
While there are practical uses for collars in BDSM, for many kinky people they’re a symbol of something deeper and bigger than a strap of leather or metal chain. What they mean depends on the person and the relationship they’re in.
Dominance and submission: For many kinksters, especially those in a D/s relationship, a collar symbolizes their connection. Some consider the collar a submissive wears as important, if not more so than a wedding band. Giving a submissive collar to wear outside of kinky play is treated as a signal that the relationship is a long-term commitment to each other.
Kinky play: Because one person can have and wear multiple types of collars in BDSM, some collars signify that kinky play is about to commence. The submissive or bottom may need to follow a specific ritual before the collar is placed around their neck. Some kneel, others perform a series of tasks — and some do nothing special other than put it on. But once this collar is on, both partners know a BDSM scene has begun.
Ownership: Not all kinky couples consider “ownership” part of their power exchange, but for those who do, a collar is a powerful symbol for both partners. In many cases, this is a collar that is worn at all times and may even be locked. Infinity collars are beautiful options, but a chain and a padlock are just as effective and used by many kinksters. These collars are not removed for any reason (except when medically necessary) and the dominant partner usually keeps the key.
Practical Uses for BDSM Collars
As much meaning and symbolism that may be infused into BDSM collars for some kinky people, they’re also a practical toy when you’re ready to get kinky. Play collars often include O or D rings for easy hooking. Once you have this kind of collar, you have even more opportunities for power and control in your BDSM scene.
Latching a submissive or bottom to the spanking bench, St. Andrew’s Cross, or any other piece of equipment to keep them in place.
Hooking a leash to the collar and leading a submissive or bottom around the room — walking or crawling.
Grabbing the ring and pulling a submissive or bottom partner close. You’ll definitely have their attention when you do this.
Connecting cuffs and other bondage straps to the collar for limited mobility — again, to keep them in place for whatever kinky thing is about to happen.
And these are only a few uses. With the right BDSM collar, you’re only limited by you and your partner’s boundaries and your imagination.
Even kinky people who aren’t interested in the symbolic meaning of collars can enjoy and appreciate the practical uses. In this sense, BDSM collars are tools much like floggers, paddles, rope, and other kinky gear. As with all BDSM toys, you don’t have to buy the most expensive thing. But to have a collar that can stand up to your level of kinky play, it’s important to consider the quality of the collar you purchase.
People who participate and enjoy BDSM are not a monolith. Every desire, activity, and kink exists on a spectrum and that includes the importance of collars. Many kinksters use collars at least during a BDSM scene while others believe in and enjoy the symbolism of them in their power exchange relationships.
Like other parts of kink and BDSM, collars are only as important as you want them to be. Use them as a sign of commitment, add them to your next kinky scene, or skip it entirely if you’re not interested. But if you do believe collars have significant meaning in BDSM, talk to your partner about it and find common ground between you. Just as with anything else, even collars require consent.