Thought about joining Fetlife.com but have some concerns? Worried that your employer or ex-spouse will find your account and out you? Tried it and feel overwhelmed? Here is a guided tour of Fetlife. Learn how to set different privacy options, block unwanted dick pics, find groups around your interests, and much more! #bdsm #websites #culture #privacy #Fetlife #guidedtour #kink

Whether you personally are new to kink, or you are dating someone new to kink, it is an exciting time filled with fun and learning! It can also be intimidating, scary, and overwhelming. Knowing what to do, where to go, and where good resources are can be hard to figure out and find. Here are seven tips for the new kinkster to help you find kink that works for you! I. There is No “Right Way” to do Kink Kink is personal. This means your kink can look the way you want it too and

In a most predictable move, once BDSM became a topic most American’s had heard about, abusers co-opted its language to justify their behavior. Celebrities like Marilyn Manson and Armie Hammer have defended allegations of abuse and violence as simply consensual BDSM. Its not just celebrities claiming abusive behavior is really consensual kink. Fetlife has been inundated with people who are seeking their next abuse victim and housing their search in the language of kink. The as

One think a lot of people new to kink and BDSM find surprising is that even with the most experienced kinky folks, we can get a bit bored with our sexy routines. Just like people who are more vanilla, sometimes kinky folks need to shake up the routine to make sex something exciting and fun! If your “regular” sex involves whips, chains, candle wax and piss play, where do you go from there? Good news everyone! You don’t have to “take your kink to the next level” and start throw

For those of you unfamiliar with Fetlife, it is a social media site for kinky folks (kinky defined very broadly). Currently, there is a group of folks of undetermined size who are planning to temporarily deactivate their accounts at the end of April as a protest to some of the current policies and procedures on Fetlife. In the last couple of years as kink has become incredibly popular in the mass media the site has grown exponentially with folks looking to explore some part o

Lots of people claim to be an expert in kink and BDSM. I bring this up because recently a couple of people referred to me as an “expert.” Its not a term I am particularly comfortable with. Kink and BDSM are so broad, there are so many ways to do things, and ultimately, every relationship is unique. I write from my perspective and never claim that I know what is “best” for anyone. I think I have a few things to add to the conversation since I have almost three decades of exper

I like porn. I struggle with that fact at times. I know the industry can be very exploitative and that the body images featured in porn contribute to the narrow concept of beauty. I know not everyone in porn is there of their own free will with the full desire to participate. Still, I enjoy it. I recently began two projects of my own involving visual porn (I write porn, but that is not what I am addressing here). One was my film for the HUMP Festival competition (see it here)

The timing of this post is prompted by a discussion currently occurring on Fetlife (major social network site for the kink community). A site member called out the racism which occurs on the site and has prompted a lot of discussion about race and racism in the kink world. As someone who dates primarily Black men, I wanted to way in on some issues. Loving Black Men I love Black men. I do. Since my ex- and I split, I have almost exclusively dated Black men (I have played with