Everyone fucks up. It is the result of being human beings. Pride this year has presented one million more ways for us to screw up and make people mad. We have mined our own fields. So, lets talk about that. What Was Pride? Pride was originally created as a protest to being forced to hide who we are. For generations, we hid in closets and never let people in the general public know we were gay. There was good reason for this: we could (and still can) lose jobs, our physical sa

It’s Pride month again. This is the second year pride comes when I have a male partner and we are exclusive. This makes pride events strained, at best, for me. Biphobia still permeates the queer community. I am treated like an interloper by queer folks who don’t know me. They assume I am some cis- hetero- interloper coming to watch “their” event. Part of the problem is gay spaces have been invaded by hetero- folks. Few gay clubs have not been taken over by a drunk bachelorett

Kink, in many forms, is now more popular and more visible than ever. I knew we had gone mainstream when American Dad, Family Guy and even Raising Hope had kink references in the shows that aired during Prime Time without additional warnings. Pretty much every mainstream magazine has covered BDSM and kink: Playboy, Glamour, Cosmo, Vogue, GQ, and now even Redbook. Is this a good thing? I am not so sure the mainstreaming of kink is a good thing. Part of this is being part of the

We are living in an age where certainty is demanded. Any time someone changes their mind or expresses any level of uncertainty, people pounce. Politicians are called “flip-floppers,” public figures are vilified, and individuals are called “weak,” or “uncommitted” or “dumb.” This demand for certainty is both ridiculous and detrimental. In terms of gender and sexuality, certainty is a killer. We have moved to a point were culturally we expect someone to know who they are and wh

A friend of mine, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, just became an American citizen. Upon receiving her passport, she posted on Facebook that she thought it would feel different becoming an American, that she would somehow feel included. She got her passport a day after the travel ban was announced. She did not feel American, nor did she feel like she belonged wholly in her country of origin. Like those of us who occupy space in multiple camps, us bisexuals, pansexuals, dual

In The Princess Bride one character keeps using the term “inconceivable.” Every time he says something is inconceivable the thing happens. Finally a second character says, “I do not think that word means what you think it means.” Intersectionality is the mot de jure. It is trotted out on blogs, in interviews with activists, at poetry readings, online, and in Facebook rants. In BDSM and poly groups, group leaders proudly procliam “this is an intersectional group!” However, I a

Let’s talk about the idea of “religious freedom” and why it is absolutely imperative for all of us to be as queer and kinky as possible. Someone inside the current Putin/Bannon administration “leaked” the “religious freedom protection” document today. This document outlines the plans for stripping rights from millions of Americans. [I enclosed leaked in quotes because I think this is more of a trial balloon than an actual leak.] The wording released for the upcoming Executive

I have never chosen a partner to make a political point. However, I live in a country where my body and my sexuality are constantly under attack by the government. So, even though my attraction and connection with someone is not driven by my politics, who I love is inherently political. I have been thinking a lot about the intersection of my love life with my political life lately. With the threat to women, LGBTQ folks, POC and others by the incoming administration, I feel a

Hey my kinky peeps! I love you. I do. But, as a community, we have got some work to do. We are not inclusive as we should be. We are still racially segregated, separated by sexual orientation, and segregated by kink. I am not saying you have to be attracted or want to partner with people outside your circle for a romance, but we need a more unified community. We have to do this because we are all under attack. Don’t believe me? Think you there, as a white hetero Dom dude will

I came out in 1988. Gay rights (it was called Gay rights at the time) were beginning to get some momentum. However, the queer movement (that word was loathed at the time) argued that we needed to put our most “respectable” face forward. We needed White professionals (doctors, lawyers, and famous people) to stand up for our rights. The rest of us- bisexuals, trans, queer, drag kings and queens, non-conformist, bull daggers, fairies and the like) were told to please stand quiet