#communication

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

Rebecca Blanton

Mar 28, 2022
4 min

The #1 Thing Dom(me)s Hate!

I work with a lot of kinky folks of all identities and levels of experience. When I talk to folks from the left side of the slash, they all say one thing. “I am not a mind reader.” It doesn’t matter if we are talking about how to make scenes hotter, how to improve D/s dynamics, or what frustrates them most with the submissives they encounter, every dominant hates the assumption that they can read your mind. I am not a mind reader. Every Dominant, ever. It is easy to understan

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How To Communicate When You Hate Long Talks

Rebecca Blanton

Jan 24, 2022
4 min

How To Communicate When You Hate Long Talks

Communication is key. You have heard it hundreds, if not thousands of time when it comes to creating successful relationships and successful kink scene, “Communicate.” Great! But, what happppens if you are not a big talker? Or if you are shy? Or if you simply hate having long, deep discussions about feelings and needs? Communication for folks who don’t like long talks may seem difficult at first glance. However, there are lots of different forms of communication. See if any o

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 2, 2021
4 min

Options Other Than Faking Orgasms

If you read much sex writing or feminist think pieces you are probably innunadate with work on the ‘orgasm gap’ and the admonition to stop faking your orgasms. In theory, these folks are right. The problem with faking orgasms is manifold: you don’t get the pleasure of climax, your partner doesn’t learn what helps you reach climax, low levels of communication in general. The problem with just telling women to stop faking orgasms is that the advice ignores the many reasons wome

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 22, 2021
7 min

7 Tips for Hosting an Orgy

As more of us get vaccinated and back out there, so many of y’all are posting about having a slutty summer. Yay! I strongly encourage this. If you want to truly go hard of the “Hot Girl Summer” or whatever you call it, host an orgy/sex night. I have your tips right here. First, who would do this? Lots of people! While orgies are usually punchlines for comics or relegated to “key party” representation in films, they can be much more than that. With many of us in consensually n

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Rebecca Blanton

Feb 10, 2021
4 min

Do You Always Need a Safe Word?

Safe words are one of the most referenced kink ideas. The concept of a simple word which stops all action and indicates someone is not okay has moved from the kink world into the wider world. This is a good thing, in general. But do you always need one? What purpose do they really serve? How do you need to use one? What Are Safe Word A safe word is a word people establish before kink play which, when used, will stop all action. Safe words are a standard feature of BDSM play b

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Vaginal Dryness? It’s More Than “Just Add Lube”

Rebecca Blanton

Nov 30, 2020
4 min

Vaginal Dryness? It’s More Than “Just Add Lube”

I am a huge fan of lube as a normal part of sex. I have been using it since I discovered it in my teens. It is essential for fisting, anything involveing anal, and is really useful with toys. It should be normalized for everyone to have a bottle or two around the house for solo and not so solo sex. Until this year lube was not required for me when it came to vaginal penetration. I easilIy got wet when aroused. Very wet at times. It was simply part of the sexual experience for

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Rebecca Blanton

May 16, 2019
5 min

Shy? Here is how to open up

Shyness is something I have had a problem with personally. However, I have had several partners who are deeply reticent to talk about their needs and desires. It can be hard to open up about desires. Most of us are raised in cultures where talking about sex and kink desires is seen as shameful or bad. Couple that with a natural tendency to be quiet or an introvert and letting people know what you want and don’t want can be very difficult. I have had a few shy partners or part

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 15, 2019
4 min

Journaling (when you HATE to write)

Journaling is a common communication technique recommended in the kink community. However, most of us hate to write. I include myself in this group. Until my mid-30s I both hated to write and sucked at it. Seriously, a blank screen or page was torture. Having to come up with 500 words seemed like a daunting task. And I have dyslexia so writing was really painful. At munches and in reading about kink I would see the suggestion to journal and think, “Yeah, that is great if you

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Loving the Consistently Inconsistent Partner

Rebecca Blanton

Jan 4, 2019
7 min

Loving the Consistently Inconsistent Partner

Dear Readers, I’m back after a long time off. Unfortunately my health battles continue and there is no help from the medical community. This means I can only work in spurts right now. We all struggle with consistency at some point. Whether its health issues (physical or mental), work schedules, kid emergencies, family interruptions, holidays or something else, our routines are broken up and we can’t practice kink the way we desire. Since I have been largely confined to bed or

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 27, 2018
10 min

10 Things Everyone Can Learn from Kink

One of the most fortuitous events in my life was discovering the kinky world at about the same time I started puberty. It provided me with a buffer from the shaming, consent violating, controlling norms of our predominant culture. I didn’t realize how much pain I was protected from growing up kinky until much later in life. Thirty years down the road, I look back and can honestly say, regardless of what activities you actually enjoy doing in bed kink culture can teach you a f

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 23, 2018
5 min

5 Questions for a Kinky First Date

The great thing about the advent of the internet, search engines, and millions of pages with information about kink/BDSM is that it has allowed millions more people access to information to explore their kinky side. People learn that they are not “freaks” – in the bad sense – and that they are not alone in their desires and needs. This is undeniably great! I would not change the availability for people to find information about kink and connect with others for the world! Howe

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 23, 2017
7 min

The Submissive’s Body & Chronic Pain

The submissive’s body is a unique thing. Our body is ours, first and foremost. We have the right and the responsibility to keep it safe. We also keep and prepare our bodies for a dominant’s use and enjoyment. Many submissives, though not all by a long shot, enjoy some form of pain, be it mild or more extreme. Our relationship with pain is different than people who do not receive some form of satisfaction or enjoyment from certain types of pain. This means in caring for our bo

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Rebecca Blanton

May 31, 2017
2 min

Talking to Fat Girls About Your Body

I am a fat girl. I have been for a long time. I don’t mince words or try and elide the fact that I am fat. I am okay with it. Most people are not. Most of my friends are fit to very fit. Its partly living in Northern California. Its partly hanging out with burlesque and roller derby girls and rock climbing guys. I can keep up with some, but not all during hiking, running and the like. I wear a bikini in public. I get naked on stage. I sunbathe naked. I love all of this. I gen

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 25, 2016
5 min

Insecurity Kills Relationships

Insecurity about did in my marriage. Other things killed it, but my insecurity was a big issue. I honestly thought I had conquered the painful self doubt and neediness that comes with it after six years of working on myself. But again, I find myself feeling insecure. Confidence, cockiness, and being comfortable in your own skin is often associated with Dom(me)s. The idea of an insecure D-type is like imagining a tentative pimp. It seems incongruous. Submissives are not often

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