I can remember the first time I read Macho Sluts by Pat Califia. While all the sex was really hot, a few of the stories stood out because the characters planned scenes. This was not the sex I saw anywhere else in the world. Like most folks, the sex I saw was the sex on movies and televisions. It was always unplanned. Great sex was supposed to be spontaneous. Characters never talked about desires or needs. There was never any planning. There was rarely any birth control! Some

Guest Post By: Spices of Lust Your BDSM experience is personal to you — and your partners. It’s meant to be whatever you make of it, and there are no hard and fast rules on what kinky things you can do or how you should structure your relationships. But there is one element of BDSM that even the newest kinksters have seen, heard about, or been asked their opinion on — BDSM collars. For some, a collar is a sign of devotion, commitment, and ownership. For others, it’s something

One of the things I have always loved about BDSM and kink is the value it puts on play. Kinky folks call all the different activities we do a form of play: impact play, fire play, electric play, and so on. While our relationships are serious and often very structured, many kinky folks have a deep respect for play. Because I had the luck and joy of connecting with the kinky world shortly after I hit puberty it took me a long time to realize how many adults take sex deadly seri

I have been thinking a lot about apologies lately. Nationally, men have been issuing varying forms of apologies for sexually harassing women and raping them in the media. They range from the non-apology bad example from Kevin Spacey (queer community thinks you are a dick, Kevin) to a mediocre one from Al Franken and lots in between. Apologies are really important and we need to think about them in the BDSM communities. Chances are you have transgressed already at this point (