#relationships

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

5 Skills for Fighting Fair in Kinky Relationships

Rebecca Blanton

Jun 9, 2018
6 min

5 Skills for Fighting Fair in Kinky Relationships

Healthy couples fight. Most healthy couples don’t fight often, but disagreements do arise, emotions heighten and we fight. Its actually a good thing. Repressing feelings, saying nothing, rolling over to your partner’s every demand or becoming a passive-aggressive pain-in-the-ass is not healthy. Fighting as a couple can be tricky. It takes time and practice to learn to fight fair. In a power exchange relationship, fighting is made trickier because of the roles we assume and fe

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Top 10 Tips for Loving Someone Loving with Mental Illness

Rebecca Blanton

May 17, 2018
6 min

Top 10 Tips for Loving Someone Loving with Mental Illness

It’s National Mental Health Awareness Month so lets talk about power exchange and mental illness. Depending on the source, between 20 and 25 percent of adults experience a mental illness at least once in a lifetime. This means there is a high probability you will, at some point in your adult life, date and/or love someone with a mental illness. Here are the “Top 10 Things” you should know about being in a romantic, kinky relationship with someone living with a mental illness

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 18, 2018
6 min

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. & Relationships

Power exchange relationships have many similarities to vanilla relationships. Both require kindness, understanding, communication, and support by and for partners to success in the long term. In most cases, both vanilla and power exchange relationships involve sex between the partners. Both types or relationships require respect, but respect is a bigger deal in power exchange relationships than in vanilla relationships. Power exchange relationships (i.e., Dominant/submissive,

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 22, 2018
5 min

7 Tips for the New Switch

So you want to try switching things up. Great! There are a lot of benefits to switching power positions (e.g., a submissive trying topping). You will learn a lot about your own desires and your own internalized perceptions of the side of the slash you occupy. You may also gain a deeper appreciation for the side of the slash you normally do not occupy. There are a few things to keep in mind if you try switching. 1. Your version of bottoming may not be the same at the person yo

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Rebecca Blanton

May 31, 2017
2 min

Talking to Fat Girls About Your Body

I am a fat girl. I have been for a long time. I don’t mince words or try and elide the fact that I am fat. I am okay with it. Most people are not. Most of my friends are fit to very fit. Its partly living in Northern California. Its partly hanging out with burlesque and roller derby girls and rock climbing guys. I can keep up with some, but not all during hiking, running and the like. I wear a bikini in public. I get naked on stage. I sunbathe naked. I love all of this. I gen

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Can’t Find “The Right One?” You Might be the Problem

Rebecca Blanton

Apr 2, 2017
5 min

Can’t Find “The Right One?” You Might be the Problem

Again today, as with so many days, I came upon a thread of women bitching about “no good men left.” As with so many of these threads on social media, relationship advice columns, and just general bitch-fests, there is a default consensus that there are no “good” men/women left to date and the people complaining are the only “decent” person in the world left to date. Okay… so that is boring AF. But, I decided to meditate on the issue a bit here since I have had this conversati

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 24, 2017
3 min

The Submissive Advantage

Submissives are some of the most seductive people in the world. Regardless of what we look like, if we are introverts or extroverts, or our skills in the bedroom, we are sexy. What makes us sexy? What makes us seductive? Its our attentiveness. Submissives often embrace service as part and parcel to who they are. We may not identify as a service sub, but even brats, littles, and ponies serve their D-types. Our service extends well beyond the bedroom and dungeon. It is this ser

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10 Things You Can Do To Increase Intimacy

Rebecca Blanton

Jan 9, 2017
6 min

10 Things You Can Do To Increase Intimacy

I love sex! I do. And I think sex is important to most healthy romantic relationships. The old adage is sex is about ten percent of any good relationship. However, when the sex is bad or missing it taints 90 percent of the relationship. Personally, I have found that to be very true. Sex is one important form of intimacy you have with partner(s). There are lots of other ways to be intimate. We often forget to nourish and grow these non-sexual areas of intimacy. However, there

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 4, 2017
3 min

You Want Hair Where!?!

Okay ladies, let’s talk about hair. You know, the hair down there. When I went back out on the dating scene about five years ago I discovered there was a demand that women be bare. It didn’t really matter if you shaved, waxed or plucked. Men on the dating scene really, really hated pubic hair on the ladies. [They, of course, did very little personal grooming but god help you if you had pubes.] So, like many women I got rid of mine. I had let them come back in a bit after my d

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What 2016 Can Teach You About Relationships

Rebecca Blanton

Dec 29, 2016
5 min

What 2016 Can Teach You About Relationships

By most accounts, unless you are a rape-y cheeto with narcissistic personality disorder, this was a shit year. People are hoping 2017 will be better but most of us are skeptical. Most of you also are wondering how the heck I am going to link this crap-ass year to relationships. People are being overwhelmingly negative about 2016 on the web. Negativity can overwhelm us. Our brains are biologically programmed to look for the negative and hold on to it more because 10,000 years

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Rebecca Blanton

Dec 20, 2016
3 min

Ethical Monogamy

People who practice ethical non-monogamy talk a lot about what it means to be ethical in a non-monogamous relationship. But what about people who are monogamous? Most folks I know assume monogamy is the baseline for a relationship and that it means the same thing to everyone. People in monogamous relationships often feel no need to discuss what they expect from monogamy and what that means to them. And this is a problem. Monogamy is the only “acceptable” relationship style mo

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36 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner(s)

Rebecca Blanton

Dec 19, 2016
3 min

36 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner(s)

Immediacy is valued by many. We want what we want and we want it now! The whole concept of delayed gratification has become nearly non-existent for many of us. We post to social media and then check our sites incessantly to see who has liked, re-posted, and replied to our comment or photo. We have problems with diets where you only lose a pound or two a week because seeing progress is too slow. We want to buy online and have it delivered the same day because we can’t wait for

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Rebecca Blanton

Dec 6, 2016
5 min

Good Kinky Fun vs. Abuse

If I am really honest about some kink behavior, it looks like abuse out of context. I have seen more than one play scene where the bottom was clearly in distress and the top did not stop (no safe word was used, but the distress was real). I have watched people who carry out punishments in protocols that outside of a kink arena could not be distinguished from abuse. However, in the context of a consensual D/s or BDSM relationship however, much of this behavior has a very diffe

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Rebecca Blanton

Nov 21, 2016
5 min

And What Did Protocol Give You?

I love protocols. I have found safety and security in protocol for years. It helps me get into submissive head space. It can create anticipation. It is a way for me to know that I am doing what pleases my D-type. I hadn’t thought about how critical protocols can be in a long term relationship until I started reading Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel. First, I will plug this book. Perel offers amazing observations and insights about eroticism and long term relationships. I wo

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 25, 2016
5 min

Insecurity Kills Relationships

Insecurity about did in my marriage. Other things killed it, but my insecurity was a big issue. I honestly thought I had conquered the painful self doubt and neediness that comes with it after six years of working on myself. But again, I find myself feeling insecure. Confidence, cockiness, and being comfortable in your own skin is often associated with Dom(me)s. The idea of an insecure D-type is like imagining a tentative pimp. It seems incongruous. Submissives are not often

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 20, 2016
5 min

S-type Must be Autonomous

I know that seems counter-intuitive to most people. Isn’t the role of an s-type based on giving power, sometimes total power, to a D-type? Isn’t that the appeal and purpose of submission? If we are going to talk about fantasy submission, sure I can agree with you. In the “perfect” world, in the fantasy world of Gor novels or The Story of O, where reality does not have to impede on human functioning, submission can be complete. In the real world, the one we live and work in, t

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Rebecca Blanton

May 24, 2016
4 min

Relationship Red Flags

There are subtle and not so subtle signs a relationship won’t work out. The primary one I have learned to look for over the years is narcissism. Anyone who is very self-focused and believes their needs are more important than other people will doom a relationship. This is, of course, not the DSM-V definition of narcissism, but the over-elevation of one’s self and unwillingness to take the needs of others into consideration is a huge roadblock for relationships. All successful

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You Are Not as Poly or Mono As You Think

Rebecca Blanton

May 15, 2016
3 min

You Are Not as Poly or Mono As You Think

I spend a lot of time talking to people and reading social media boards by both polyamorous and monogamous folks. Universally, people are not as monogamous or as polyamorous as they claim they are. Over the years, I have begun to see the labels of “poly” and “mono” like the political systems of capitalism and communism. There is a big difference between the theory of capitalism and its manifestation. The same goes for communism. In poli sci we talk about the difference betwee

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 3, 2016
5 min

On Virtue and Vice

8? 25? 105? 300? 1,023? Is there such a thing as having too many sexual partners? Are you a sex addict? Is sex your vice? Is sex a hindrance to a loving relationship? Is it a good thing to be very sexually experienced? I have the pleasure of talking to a lot of people about their sex lives. Questions about how many partners is too many and is there an issue if you have only had a few partners are regular topics of conversation. People worry about how much sex they are hav

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Rebecca Blanton

Mar 22, 2016
6 min

Talk to Your Kids About Porn!

We need to talk to our kids about how to watch porn. I have had this conversation a lot since I put out my book last year. I think it is critical that we talk to kids about what porn is, the messages in porn, and porn logic. I suspected that with the great proliferation of the availability of porn and “erotic romances” that kids and young adults were turning to these resources for information. A new study, profiled this week in the New York Times verified these suspicions. Re

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