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Giving Thanks

Since Thanksgiving is this week in the United States, I am going to step out of the series of posts on community building and give thanks for all things kinky in my life.

Kink has been part of my life for three decades now. I came into my sexuality as a kinky person. I cannot fathom what or who I would have become if I had never discovered kink. Since I put of the book which started this blog, I have thought a lot about what kink can give the world.

I am grateful for bodily autonomy. Kinksters have long lived by the idea that everyone has the right to bodily autonomy and the right to protect their body and mind. This is not a widely held value in my home country. Through kink, I learned that I had the right, always have the right, to determine what is done to and what is put in my body. The final decision of what happens to my body is up to me. This is important in sex, but for me, saved my life from doctors. Kink gave me the strength to stand up to the bullies in medicine insisting I “trust them” and “just do what I say.” I saw them as the horrible, narcissistic, short-sighted bullies they are. I stood up for myself and fought for help. Without kink, I don’t think I could have done that.

I am grateful for queer kinksters. I am blessed to know people of dozens of different sexual orientations and gender orientations. They have been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Their openess and their attempts to be who they are help me be who I am. To all the proud leather dykes and daddies and all the queer kinksters out there, thank you.

I am grateful for community. I don’t fit into the more mainstream society. I have been told by so many others, “You are too much,” “You are too loud,” “You are too different.” I have been told to be quieter, be less open, be less honest, be less sexual, be less commanding, be less big, just BE LESS. My kinky folks like who I am. Many of them understand my weirdness, my desires, my humor. Thank you.

I am grateful for good sex. Lots and Lots of good sex. Kink expanded my world. Sex was never just vaginal penetration. “Rough” always was more than a little hair pulling. I have done some nasty things with a few of you nasty people. I have come in dozens of different ways. I have learned to enjoy and love parts of my body in ways I never would imagine on my own. Thank you kinky folks.

I am grateful for smart, thoughtful people. The Venn diagram between “educated” and “thoughtful” and “BDSM” is pretty tight. I have met so many people who are deeply thoughtful about love, relationships, and sex. I have had brilliant conversations which have shifted the ways I think about things. For that, I am deeply grateful.

Thank you my kinksters in arms. Thank you for being who you are, loving how you want, and not being afraid to ask for what you need. Even if you are not pounding down turkey and potatoes this week know that I am taking a moment out of my week to say, “thank you.”

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