Updated: Aug 22, 2022
Want to stimulate the biggest sex organ for anyone? You need to get their brain aroused! While many of us rely on visual stimuli to turn on our partners, learning to talk sexy to them can up our foreplay game, improve communication, and ultimately result in better sex.
For so many of us, dirty talk does not come naturally. It can feel forced, awkward, or just off-putting when we first try and let sexy things cross our lips. In general, sexy talk takes practice, an understanding of what is sexy to us and our partners, and the right vocabulary. Here are seven tips to accessing your inner sex chat line persona and turning on your partners.
1. Start Slow
If you are new to sexy talk, start slowly. Send a text or two. Try using just one or two prepared lines while you kiss your partner. Maybe just try being a bit vocal during sex. If you are normally quiet, try a few “oohs” and “yums,” before you launch into full sentences or an hour of sex chat. It can take a while to build your sexy talk muscles so it is okay to start very slowly and just see how it feels.
2. Customize Your Dirty Talk
Not every one will be turned on by the same things. Just like physical sex acts, everyone has preferences and specific things which are turn-ons and turn-offs. Spend some time figuring out what type of dirty talk will help your partner get aroused.
Is your partner one for direct communication and who enjoys powerful verbs? Use that type of communication in sexy talk. “Ooooh, give me that powerful dick!” or “Eat my ass” will turn them on.
Is your partner more drawn to flowery language, metaphors and similes? Try an poetic approach. “I want to inhale the scent of your secret garden,” or “Your nipples remind me of Turkish delight. I want to taste their sweetness on my tongue.”
Does your partner enjoy a bit of comedy and falls in the “geek/nerd” spectrum? Try incorporating some pop culture or comic book references. “I need your X Wing fighter into my exhaust port. I want to feel you go deep until I explode!”
What works with one person will not work for every person. The more dialed in you are to what turns on your partners, the better your sexy talk will be perceived.
3. Practice Talking Dirty
If you are not comfortable with dirty talk, practice. When you are driving alone or in your shower, practice saying things you might feel a bit awkward saying to a partner. Saying phrases and words aloud to yourself first and repeating as necessary can help you become more comfortable with them in the moment.
4. Improve Your Vocabulary
I write erotica. “Moist” has to be the most divisive word in the genre. Some folks love to use it, others abhor the word. In fact, when Oxford English Dictionary tried to quantify the most hated words in English, “moist” quickly shot to number one in America, England, and Canada! So, what is a girl to do when it comes to dirty talk? Build your vocabulary. Here are some popular sites for finding new words for body parts, sex acts, and more!
5. Read Sexy Stuff
We all need inspiration. Reading erotica, weather it is books, blog entries, fan fiction, or magazines, reading erotic content helps us get a sense of how language can be used to be sexy. Your favorite erotic authors will help you understand how language is used when it comes to the type of sex of your fantasies. This language will help you build your understanding of how to use sexy talk in real life.
Reading can also help you avoid very awkward sexy talk. For amusing and horrifyingly bad examples of men trying to write sexy, check out this post! If you don’t think these are the real way men think, please keep in mind a man, trying to sound sexy, once said to me he, “Wanted to fuck every hole. He couldn’t wait to fuck my right nostril.”
6. Timing is Critical!
Like telling jokes, using sexy talk is heavily dependent on timing. Injecting it at the wrong time can kill a move or seem off-putting. Used at the right time, sexy talk can amplify what is going on physically and emotionally.
One way to use sexy talk is as part of extended foreplay. If you are planning on having sex when you see your partner in the evening, start sending a few sexy text during the day. Keep in mind what they might be doing and gear the sexts to their current world. For example, if your partner is seeing a doctor for a check-up, sexting them right before they go back to be weighed and prodded may not feel great. However, if they are commuting home on public transit, hitting them up with a, “I can’t wait to see you tonight and slowly remove your boxer shorts with my teeth,” can give a nice sexy twinge to help them get in the mood.
If you use a more comedic approach to sexy talk (something I am personally prone too), doing it as your partner is edging close to climax can send the moment off the rails. I have accidentally interjected a sexy comic book reference which made him laugh hard enough to lose an erection- not my intended impact.
7. Be Genuine
Many people find incorporating a compliment with sexy talk to be very effective. Something like, “Ooooh! I love the way your dick fills me up!” or, “Your pussy smells so good!” can be both sexy and a compliment. It is important that you are genuine when you give a compliment or comment on your partner’s body.
Many of us are very sensitive about our bodies, especially when it comes to intimacy and sex. This means we tend to be on high alert for bullshit when people mention our bodies in relationship to our physical self. If a compliment isn’t genuine, many of us will immediately pick up on it and the compliment will fall flat or offend the person.
For example, I have arthritis in my hands. My hand job game is not the best part of my sexy repertoire. Its closer to rolling a log out of play-doh than anything sexy. If my partner tried to complement me on my hand job as I am squishing his bits, it would not come off as sexy but inauthentic. This would detract from our sexy time. When you go to compliment a partner with sexy talk, be sure you mean it.