I am a fan of sexual and intimacy goal setting. It is a way to prioritize your pleasure and not let it languish as life happens. It also provides inspiration when things feel a bit redundant or boring. However, so many sexual bucket lists take two approaches I am not a fan of. The first lists types or people to have sex with. These lists fetishize race, size, fame and are gross in my opinion. The other approach is to list a long set of activities with little context. These ca

As more of us get vaccinated and back out there, so many of y’all are posting about having a slutty summer. Yay! I strongly encourage this. If you want to truly go hard of the “Hot Girl Summer” or whatever you call it, host an orgy/sex night. I have your tips right here. First, who would do this? Lots of people! While orgies are usually punchlines for comics or relegated to “key party” representation in films, they can be much more than that. With many of us in consensually n

If you are into role playing, most likely you are familiar with the classics: student/teacher, parent/child, landowner/servant, maid/Mistress. These are classics for a reason. They all involve power differentials, they have fun costumes, and you can do a lot of different versions of each one. Here are ten new role play ideas. Take them as jumping off points and have fun! 1. Harry Potter Finds His Magic Wand If you have read the Harry Potter books or scene the movies, you are

One think a lot of people new to kink and BDSM find surprising is that even with the most experienced kinky folks, we can get a bit bored with our sexy routines. Just like people who are more vanilla, sometimes kinky folks need to shake up the routine to make sex something exciting and fun! If your “regular” sex involves whips, chains, candle wax and piss play, where do you go from there? Good news everyone! You don’t have to “take your kink to the next level” and start throw

Listen on Spotify Want to stimulate the biggest sex organ for anyone? You need to get their brain aroused! While many of us rely on visual stimuli to turn on our partners, learning to talk sexy to them can up our foreplay game, improve communication, and ultimately result in better sex. For so many of us, dirty talk does not come naturally. It can feel forced, awkward, or just off-putting when we first try and let sexy things cross our lips. In general, sexy talk takes practi

Listen on Spotify One of my favorite scenes from a movie is the therapy scene in the beginning of The Ref. Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey are in couples therapy and BD Wong is the therapist. At one point, Judy Davis’ is asked about their sex life. She replies: A couple of kisses. A couple of nipple twists. It would all be over in the time it takes to make a cappuccino. I know because I timed it once. ~ The Ref I love it because that rings true for anyone who has gotten into a se

One of my favorite old BritComs is Coupling (sort of the British Friends). In one of the episodes the highly sexed Patrick announces that he is going to dump his girlfriend of the moment because she is too naive. She ruled out a threesome at the first mention of one! Patrick insists that threesomes don’t really happen, they are just a fantasy that a woman must prolong up until the point she has a baby. So, okay, looking beyond the misogynism and stereotypes here, the show doe

Valentine’s Day in America is basically the National Day for Weird Sex. After the age of 18 most of us feel the social pressure to do something romantic and sexy on February 14. Culturally we are trained to see ourselves as “losers” or “undesirable” if we do not have a romantic date lined up. By “romantic” we also tend to mean sexual. Unless, of course, you are Liz Lemon and celebrate Anna Howard Shaw day instead of Valentine’s Day. Many of us feel pressure to come up with ne

Guest Post by Peter Minkoff (Homo Culture Magazine) *This article is written mostly for gay men but has great advice for anyone engaging in anal sex! Is there anything that a bottom doesn’t know? Well, technically, yes. Without generalization (but even if we do generalize just a little bit, you probably won’t get offended as we trust in your great sense of humor), bottom gay guys are the ones who are always extremely funny, they tend to know everything about all the feuds and

I can remember the first time I read Macho Sluts by Pat Califia. While all the sex was really hot, a few of the stories stood out because the characters planned scenes. This was not the sex I saw anywhere else in the world. Like most folks, the sex I saw was the sex on movies and televisions. It was always unplanned. Great sex was supposed to be spontaneous. Characters never talked about desires or needs. There was never any planning. There was rarely any birth control! Some

The first time I ordered a sex toy I was 19. It was a vibrator from Good Vibrations in San Francisco. I can remember not knowing really what I wanted but scanning their pages for days until I got up the courage to place an order. The first time I went into a sex shop it was also in San Francisco in the Castro district. I went in to peruse with a friend who ended up leaning on a massive carved dick accidentally while the shop owner asked if he was looking for VHS cleaner. We w

One of the things I have always loved about BDSM and kink is the value it puts on play. Kinky folks call all the different activities we do a form of play: impact play, fire play, electric play, and so on. While our relationships are serious and often very structured, many kinky folks have a deep respect for play. Because I had the luck and joy of connecting with the kinky world shortly after I hit puberty it took me a long time to realize how many adults take sex deadly seri