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An Introduction to Body Affirming Kink Play

Updated: Aug 22, 2022

Feeling bad about your body is common. Regardless of your actual weight, height, ability, shape, gender, or age, anyone can feel bad about they way they look.

Feeling bad about your body can make it harder to connect with someone romantically and intimately. If you are not comfortable with the way you look, you may not want to be naked in front of someone, feel guarded, or unwilling to get physically close to someone.

Various types of kinky play and power exchange can help you feel better about your body. These exercises are for all genders, sexual orientations, and sides of the slash.

How Do I Know If I Have Shame Around My Body?

Shame about your body may not be obvious to you. Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. When I look in a mirror, what do I say to myself?

  2. When you start dating something new, is there any hesitation or fear about them seeing your body?

  3. If you had to send a nude picture to someone today, would you be comfortable doing so without changing anything about your body?

  4. Do you find yourself criticizing your body or parts of your body?

  5. Do you feel betrayed by your body?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, these exercises may help you become more comfortable in your own skin.

Keep It Genuine

If you are the person giving compliments, make sure they are genuine. If you live with body shame, you are conditioned to disregard compliments. A non-genuine compliment is easily dismissed and make future compliments more difficult to accept. If you want to help the person you love feel better about their body, you need to make sure what you say is real. Keeping your compliments genuine is the most important step.

Nude Pictures Exercise

As part of your protocols, a dominant may instruct a submissive to send nude shots to them daily. A combination of one full body nude and one other sexy picture of the submissive’s choosing is often a good combination.

When the dominant receives the pictures, send the submissive genuine compliments about what you enjoy about the photo. At the end of 30 days, compare the first pictures sent and the most recent.

Mirror Exercise

Have the submissive stand in front of a mirror. The dominant begins by complimenting the submissive’s body, part by part. After several compliments, ask the submissive compliment their own body.

Make sure to negotiate aftercare before this exercise. This exercise can be very overwhelming for a person with a lot of body shame. It can be very difficult to accept compliments about your body if you are not comfortable with it.

Body Signing Exercises

This exercise works for either the dominant or the submissive. Remember, dominants can feel bad about their bodies too!

Get a set of sharpies or other body-safe markers. One partner writes loving messages on the other partner’s body. When finished, take photos of all the messages before the person showers.

This can be a triggering exercise for people with a lot of body shame. Make sure to have an aftercare plan in place.

A Note on Aftercare

With exercises that address body shame, there is a chance that the person receiving the compliments will be upset. The more you hate your body or a body part, the harder it can be to receive genuine compliments and love.

When you are planning on engaging in these exercises, make sure you negotiate what the person needs after a scene when they become upset. Because these exercises require that a person be naked, having a way for them to cover themselves and feel secure is important. A blanket, fuzzy sweater, or robe is a great option.

Over time, these exercises can help grow a person’s body confidence. Depending on the depth of body shame, it make take doing one or many exercises repeatedly to break through your walls around your shame. This is okay.

Remember, you are enough as you are. Your body is beautiful and deserving of love.

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