Feeling bad about your body is common. Regardless of your actual weight, height, ability, shape, gender, or age, anyone can feel bad about they way they look. Feeling bad about your body can make it harder to connect with someone romantically and intimately. If you are not comfortable with the way you look, you may not want to be naked in front of someone, feel guarded, or unwilling to get physically close to someone. Various types of kinky play and power exchange can help yo

You are probably familiar with mantras. They are short statements or words said repeatedly to help focus you. They are rooted in Buddhism and Hinduism. However, many people have adopted them to fit the need to stay focused or connect with oneself. If you have participated in some meditation classes, you probably experienced saying a single word or sound repeatedly to help focus your mind. The classic “Om” chanted during mediation is a mantra. Why would these mantras be import

Listen on Spotify Finding out your partner has cheated on you is often devastating. Regardless of your relationship style (monogamous, non-monogamous, polyam), partners can cheat. Any time a person violates the pre-agreed upon boundaries of a relationship, that is cheating. As a society, we talk about cheating in salacious ways. Its office or church gossip. It’s watching Cheaters, or daytime talk shows. It is seen as a terminal point for a relationships. When famous folks che

Power exchange relationships have many similarities to vanilla relationships. Both require kindness, understanding, communication, and support by and for partners to success in the long term. In most cases, both vanilla and power exchange relationships involve sex between the partners. Both types or relationships require respect, but respect is a bigger deal in power exchange relationships than in vanilla relationships. Power exchange relationships (i.e., Dominant/submissive,

Again today, as with so many days, I came upon a thread of women bitching about “no good men left.” As with so many of these threads on social media, relationship advice columns, and just general bitch-fests, there is a default consensus that there are no “good” men/women left to date and the people complaining are the only “decent” person in the world left to date. Okay… so that is boring AF. But, I decided to meditate on the issue a bit here since I have had this conversati

Submissives are some of the most seductive people in the world. Regardless of what we look like, if we are introverts or extroverts, or our skills in the bedroom, we are sexy. What makes us sexy? What makes us seductive? Its our attentiveness. Submissives often embrace service as part and parcel to who they are. We may not identify as a service sub, but even brats, littles, and ponies serve their D-types. Our service extends well beyond the bedroom and dungeon. It is this ser

I have never chosen a partner to make a political point. However, I live in a country where my body and my sexuality are constantly under attack by the government. So, even though my attraction and connection with someone is not driven by my politics, who I love is inherently political. I have been thinking a lot about the intersection of my love life with my political life lately. With the threat to women, LGBTQ folks, POC and others by the incoming administration, I feel a

I love sex! I do. And I think sex is important to most healthy romantic relationships. The old adage is sex is about ten percent of any good relationship. However, when the sex is bad or missing it taints 90 percent of the relationship. Personally, I have found that to be very true. Sex is one important form of intimacy you have with partner(s). There are lots of other ways to be intimate. We often forget to nourish and grow these non-sexual areas of intimacy. However, there

Immediacy is valued by many. We want what we want and we want it now! The whole concept of delayed gratification has become nearly non-existent for many of us. We post to social media and then check our sites incessantly to see who has liked, re-posted, and replied to our comment or photo. We have problems with diets where you only lose a pound or two a week because seeing progress is too slow. We want to buy online and have it delivered the same day because we can’t wait for

Insecurity about did in my marriage. Other things killed it, but my insecurity was a big issue. I honestly thought I had conquered the painful self doubt and neediness that comes with it after six years of working on myself. But again, I find myself feeling insecure. Confidence, cockiness, and being comfortable in your own skin is often associated with Dom(me)s. The idea of an insecure D-type is like imagining a tentative pimp. It seems incongruous. Submissives are not often

I went to a meeting of submissives this week and an interesting discussion question was posed: What is the difference between discipline, punishment and abuse in an D/s and BDSM relationship. This is an important question that needs lots of discussion and clarification. Many D-types integrate discipline and punishments into their dynamics with submissives. It is part of the power exchange that occurs in these types of relationships. Many submissives and slaves I know actually

I will begin by saying that I am thrilled five of the members of the Supreme Court were enlightened enough to understand that gay marriage is not so odious to state’s interest that it can continue to be banned in the less-enlightened parts of the United States. I think the fight for same-sex marriage has been a critical fight for basic rights. I am also proud to know a number of the poster children for this fight. I am also proud that my undergraduate mentor and employer prov