#bdsm

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

Rebecca Blanton

Jan 28, 2020
8 min

So You Want to Try a Threesome…

One of my favorite old BritComs is Coupling (sort of the British Friends). In one of the episodes the highly sexed Patrick announces that he is going to dump his girlfriend of the moment because she is too naive. She ruled out a threesome at the first mention of one! Patrick insists that threesomes don’t really happen, they are just a fantasy that a woman must prolong up until the point she has a baby. So, okay, looking beyond the misogynism and stereotypes here, the show doe

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 21, 2020
6 min

National “Weird Sex” Day

Valentine’s Day in America is basically the National Day for Weird Sex. After the age of 18 most of us feel the social pressure to do something romantic and sexy on February 14. Culturally we are trained to see ourselves as “losers” or “undesirable” if we do not have a romantic date lined up. By “romantic” we also tend to mean sexual. Unless, of course, you are Liz Lemon and celebrate Anna Howard Shaw day instead of Valentine’s Day. Many of us feel pressure to come up with ne

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 14, 2020
7 min

10 Things EVERY Kinky Person Should Try

We all have our limits, be they soft or hard. Not everyone likes spanking. Not everyone enjoys rope. We are all loosely bound by our “nontraditional” sex acts we enjoy and collectively call “kink.” Despite the fact there is no one kinky activity everyone will enjoy, there are some kinky experiences which all kinky folks should try at some point in their kinky journey. The list of activities includes ways to connect with the community, connect with yourself, and explore the br

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 9, 2020
3 min

Embracing Sex Writing

I am an accidental sex/kink blogger. This site started five years ago as a book promotion site for a book I really didn’t think too many people would actually read. Y’all surprised me. Love Letters to a Unicorn is five years old and growing in its readership. Despite the growth of this blog and the publication of a second successful kink workbook I was reluctant to let go of my “academic” and “researcher” identities in favor of “sex/kink writer.” Part of the reluctance comes

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Rebecca Blanton

Dec 28, 2019
5 min

Introduction to Cock and Ball Bondage

Guest Post by Jett Oxy Perhaps you have always fantasized about binding balls, but not quite sure about your ability to pull it off? Well, your fears are over. Here is that much-needed starting information on how you can pull off an amazing cock and ball bondage. Yes, this play is quite exciting. Oh, it is addictive too – you would want to continue once you are into it. The sensation is excellent alongside some great looks. What’s more? You can combine it with other forms

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 5, 2019
5 min

Pain and Presence

There are different theories on how people “should” deal with pain. Some folks argue for being present with the pain. Some argue for focusing on other things and divorcing oneself from the pain. Some argue that you should use visualization to give your pain meaning. I don’t believe there is a right way to respond to pain. Nor do I believe in “shoulds” for the most part when talking BDSM. What I do know is I have spent years experimenting with how pain is understood and experi

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 14, 2019
5 min

Pain. The Good, The Bad, the Fun!

There is the myth that the Inuit have some amazing number of words for snow. They don’t- but we have all heard the myth. The concept is that they live with so much snow they learn to distinguish types and have a variety of ways to describe it because it is such a huge part of their daily lives. While the Inuit may not have 100 words for snow, I have dozens of ways to describe pain. I didn’t always have such a pain vocabulary, but pain has become such a huge part of my life, I

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 27, 2019
4 min

Sexier Sex? Plan for it!

I can remember the first time I read Macho Sluts by Pat Califia. While all the sex was really hot, a few of the stories stood out because the characters planned scenes. This was not the sex I saw anywhere else in the world. Like most folks, the sex I saw was the sex on movies and televisions. It was always unplanned. Great sex was supposed to be spontaneous. Characters never talked about desires or needs. There was never any planning. There was rarely any birth control! Some

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I’m Tired. Can We Just Shut Up and Fuck?

Rebecca Blanton

Jul 2, 2019
6 min

I’m Tired. Can We Just Shut Up and Fuck?

I’m feeling old and crotchety after a month of Pride. Maybe its because I have been doing Pride for more than three decades and it is not as bright and shiny as it used to be. Maybe its because now that I am older and sicker, 30 days is a long time to do all things rainbow. Maybe its that I have had an unrelenting headache for nine months now. Whatever it is, I just want us all to shut up and fuck now. I am thrilled there are several new generations of queer activists up in a

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 21, 2019
6 min

Scared? Tips to Conquer Fears

Fear is innate to the kink experience. The is the fun and sexy fear of not knowing what is going to happen to you during a scene. There is also the not sexy or fun fear of entering the kinky world. When you explore kink, you are faced with a lot of first times: first munch (coffee with kinky folks), first dungeon, first support group, first time naked in public. While many kinky groups try to make themselves welcoming to the new comer, many people still are afraid of entering

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 18, 2019
3 min

Why Collars Are Important to BDSM

Guest Post By: Spices of Lust Your BDSM experience is personal to you — and your partners. It’s meant to be whatever you make of it, and there are no hard and fast rules on what kinky things you can do or how you should structure your relationships. But there is one element of BDSM that even the newest kinksters have seen, heard about, or been asked their opinion on — BDSM collars. For some, a collar is a sign of devotion, commitment, and ownership. For others, it’s something

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Add a Buzz to Your Sex Life: Introducing Toys

Rebecca Blanton

Jun 12, 2019
6 min

Add a Buzz to Your Sex Life: Introducing Toys

The first time I ordered a sex toy I was 19. It was a vibrator from Good Vibrations in San Francisco. I can remember not knowing really what I wanted but scanning their pages for days until I got up the courage to place an order. The first time I went into a sex shop it was also in San Francisco in the Castro district. I went in to peruse with a friend who ended up leaning on a massive carved dick accidentally while the shop owner asked if he was looking for VHS cleaner. We w

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Flip It and Reverse It: Protocols for Dominants

Rebecca Blanton

May 29, 2019
6 min

Flip It and Reverse It: Protocols for Dominants

I adore having protocols in a relationship. Those rules and rituals power exchange couples create to serve their relationship provide a sense of belonging and security to me as a submissive. Protocols have a wide variety. Some are routine (e.g., daily or weekly tasks), some are situational (e.g., opening the door for a dominant), and some are sexual (e.g., having a butt plug inserted before your D-type arrives for play). When kink classes teach about protocols it is almost un

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Rebecca Blanton

May 16, 2019
5 min

Shy? Here is how to open up

Shyness is something I have had a problem with personally. However, I have had several partners who are deeply reticent to talk about their needs and desires. It can be hard to open up about desires. Most of us are raised in cultures where talking about sex and kink desires is seen as shameful or bad. Couple that with a natural tendency to be quiet or an introvert and letting people know what you want and don’t want can be very difficult. I have had a few shy partners or part

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Rebecca Blanton

May 2, 2019
3 min

7 Reasons to Masturbate Regularly

Most folks I meet assume that I have sex all the time so I must not need to masturbate. Truth be told, my partner lives a couple of hours from me and we only see each other part of the month. Additionally, I have been ridiculously ill for the past two years and that has diminished my sex drive to a nearly non-existent level. Not only have I not been having sex at the frequency I want, I found that masturbation had been relegated to nights I couldn’t fall asleep and needed a h

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 13, 2019
8 min

New Boobs (short erotic story)

A short sci-fi, nonbinary erotica for your enjoyment! New Boobs Mica set the large, black box xe was carrying on the library table by the front door and gently pushed the door shut. An electronic chirp let xem know the door was closed and locked. This moment was three years in the making. Mica’s journey was longer if you counted the years of battling for the right to do this and develop the technology. Mica opened the box and looked at the pair of breasts nestled in protectiv

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“We Need to Talk”: Ambiguity in Relationships

Rebecca Blanton

Apr 2, 2019
5 min

“We Need to Talk”: Ambiguity in Relationships

“We need to talk.” Its the sentence many of us live in fear of hearing from our partners. When we get a text or a message or a partner says, “We need to talk,” and then leaves time between the statement and when they clarify what the talk is about, most of us start to mentally spin horror stories. A text of “We need to talk. Are you free tonight?” generally means for the next umpteen hours we will be running through a variety of scenarios all ending in horrible, relationship-

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What Owning a Cat Taught Me About Kink, Polyam, and Sex

Rebecca Blanton

Jan 11, 2019
4 min

What Owning a Cat Taught Me About Kink, Polyam, and Sex

I’ll be honest, I have never been a huge cat fan. I mean, you adopt this pet who poos in your house, who is petty and controlling, and who will eat you when your are dead. I know I’m going to come home late one night, choke on something, and die. Two days later, my cat will be like, “Um… I don’t have any Whiskas tonight, guess its Fancy Face,” and will eat me. That said, I acquiesced when my mom wanted to get a cat. We live on a wooded property and ground squirrels, mice and

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Rebecca Blanton

Nov 6, 2018
6 min

Topping From the Bottom

I can’t believe I haven’t written a blog post on topping from the bottom! How could I be so remiss of addressing a topic which comes up often in sub group discussions? Ah well… here is my take on the issue. Topping from the bottom is when a submissive tries to control the scene in various ways. This can be giving explicit directions during a scene, setting exacting constraints prior to a scene, refusing to do activities which are not on a hard or soft limit list, or other sim

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 27, 2018
10 min

10 Things Everyone Can Learn from Kink

One of the most fortuitous events in my life was discovering the kinky world at about the same time I started puberty. It provided me with a buffer from the shaming, consent violating, controlling norms of our predominant culture. I didn’t realize how much pain I was protected from growing up kinky until much later in life. Thirty years down the road, I look back and can honestly say, regardless of what activities you actually enjoy doing in bed kink culture can teach you a f

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