#consent

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

Rebecca Blanton

Jul 26, 2022
6 min

This Could Save Your Life!

Kink play can be intense! That is part of the fun of it. We play physically and psychologically hard. Weather you are into impact play, senasation play, pegging, or anything else, there is basic healthcare/first aid you should know to keep your play safer. This stuff will also help folks who enjoy vanilla sex as well. Sex and kink can evoke a number of extreme reactions which might mimic a health emergency. Things like crying, heavy breathing, wheezing, and red skin might be

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 2, 2021
5 min

7 Tips When You Are New to Kink

Whether you personally are new to kink, or you are dating someone new to kink, it is an exciting time filled with fun and learning! It can also be intimidating, scary, and overwhelming. Knowing what to do, where to go, and where good resources are can be hard to figure out and find. Here are seven tips for the new kinkster to help you find kink that works for you! I. There is No “Right Way” to do Kink Kink is personal. This means your kink can look the way you want it too and

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 22, 2021
6 min

Combining Weed and Kink? Read This!

Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels.com Weed is now legal in 18 U.S. states and the District of Columbia; two countries (Canada and Uruguay) and several other jurisdictions (Amsterdam, etc). It is also widely available in states and countries where is is not so legal. With the increasing ease of getting marijuana, more people are using it with sex. Many Americans (and others as well) see marijuana use as socially acceptable and consider it a less-risky drug that alcohol, tobacco,

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 28, 2021
12 min

What Is a Submissive’s Responsibility?

I love it when I come across people writing about submission in a deep and thoughtful way! If you have not discovered The Pleasure Coach, check out this post to get you started: The Sovereignty of Submission. Reading this post brought me back to the subject of power and submission (see here here and here for examples). I come from the viewpoint that both partners in a D/s style relationship have power and responsibility. Even in a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic both parties have s

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7 Tips for Navigating the Post-COVID Kink World

Rebecca Blanton

Mar 15, 2021
4 min

7 Tips for Navigating the Post-COVID Kink World

Things are beginning to open back up in the United States and elsewhere. While we are not at a point with public health to fully reopen safely, plenty of states are plowing ahead to bring commerce back on line regardless of the health consequences. Eventually, this year or next, we will be reopened for commerce, conferences, play parties and munches. Most of us have really missed these events. A year in relative isolation, Zoom events and classes, and lack of human touch will

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 27, 2019
4 min

Sexier Sex? Plan for it!

I can remember the first time I read Macho Sluts by Pat Califia. While all the sex was really hot, a few of the stories stood out because the characters planned scenes. This was not the sex I saw anywhere else in the world. Like most folks, the sex I saw was the sex on movies and televisions. It was always unplanned. Great sex was supposed to be spontaneous. Characters never talked about desires or needs. There was never any planning. There was rarely any birth control! Some

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 18, 2019
3 min

Why Collars Are Important to BDSM

Guest Post By: Spices of Lust Your BDSM experience is personal to you — and your partners. It’s meant to be whatever you make of it, and there are no hard and fast rules on what kinky things you can do or how you should structure your relationships. But there is one element of BDSM that even the newest kinksters have seen, heard about, or been asked their opinion on — BDSM collars. For some, a collar is a sign of devotion, commitment, and ownership. For others, it’s something

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Fetlife Protest Isn’t Just a “Feminist Thing”

Rebecca Blanton

Apr 25, 2018
8 min

Fetlife Protest Isn’t Just a “Feminist Thing”

For those of you unfamiliar with Fetlife, it is a social media site for kinky folks (kinky defined very broadly). Currently, there is a group of folks of undetermined size who are planning to temporarily deactivate their accounts at the end of April as a protest to some of the current policies and procedures on Fetlife. In the last couple of years as kink has become incredibly popular in the mass media the site has grown exponentially with folks looking to explore some part o

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 8, 2018
6 min

Consent 201

It’s great that vanilla America is finally discovering the idea of consent. Not our judges or politicians apparently, but a large number of non-kinkly folks are starting to think about sex and consent in a way they never have. Articles in widely read papers about the idea of consent and things like Tea and Consent going viral actually speaks volumes about the cultural shifting that is taking place. Less than two years ago I was submitting articles about consent to publication

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Rebecca Blanton

Nov 21, 2017
7 min

Power of Apologies

I have been thinking a lot about apologies lately. Nationally, men have been issuing varying forms of apologies for sexually harassing women and raping them in the media. They range from the non-apology bad example from Kevin Spacey (queer community thinks you are a dick, Kevin) to a mediocre one from Al Franken and lots in between. Apologies are really important and we need to think about them in the BDSM communities. Chances are you have transgressed already at this point (

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 26, 2017
5 min

Sex and the Resistance

It is Pride month. This year is particularly politically charged. There are fights about adding black and brown stripes to the Pride flag. There are articles on how to be an ally to queer and trans folks. There are fights about how to incorporate trans folks more visibly and inclusively into Pride. There are lots of articles this year about recognizing bi folks as part of the community. I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted. Amidst all the talk of intersectionality, alli

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 11, 2016
5 min

Is BDSM Inescapably Racist?

I love the BDSM community. I love kink. It is integral to who I am and how I see the world. I love the aesthetic, the values, and the people who live BDSM. But I struggle with parts of of the practice and language of kink. I have been struggling for a long time on resolving the M/s dynamic in kink, the language around this, and some kink play and my desire to be open and accepting and loving for all races in the community. When I initially got into BDSM, i didn’t think too mu

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 26, 2016
7 min

Consent: 2016 sstyle

One of the best things about the kink community is that it places consent front and center of community values. Not only do groups talk about consent in their education and often bylaws, it is also worked into our porn. Over time, this has resulted in the kink community developing more consensual, less “rape-y” standards (see here for links to studies). Yay! We are doing something right. And we have been doing it right for a while. However, as with all thinks in the BDSM comm

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Protecting Men with a National Safe Word

Rebecca Blanton

Sep 3, 2016
4 min

Protecting Men with a National Safe Word

By now, you have probably seen images from BDSM/kink movies or pornography. You may have tied up a date or given someone a spanking. It’s definitely fun and always feels a bit naughty. As a submissive myself, I love kink and BDSM. But beyond sexy times, BDSM offers something that the entire country could benefit from: a safe word. If you are unfamiliar with the idea of a safe word, it is pretty simple. A safe word is any word people agree on has the power to stop sexual play.

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Rebecca Blanton

Jul 8, 2016
3 min

“Did you say ‘no?'”

When someone says they were raped, many people ask, “So, did you say ‘no?'” It is a common question in court and in police investigations. The validity of rape claims lie in the victim’s ability to affirm that they told their attacker “no” or “don’t.” Some judges go further and want to know if the victim specified the attack was rape during the attack. Saying “No” and “don’t” during assault is not always seen as sufficient for clarifying that a person does not want sex (see e

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 10, 2016
7 min

Consent, 2016 Style

Consent is one of these topics that comes up all the time in the kink community. It will come up in the wider world after a horrific rape makes the headlines, but then it fades. Consent is both very simple and difficult as a topic to discuss. I want to discuss consent within the context of the kink community. For the purposes of this post, I am setting aside consensual non-consent (rape play) because that is a whole topic in and of itself [if you are really interested, I will

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Rebecca Blanton

May 2, 2016
4 min

Consent.

I was working on my next blog post about measures around sex and research findings and planned on posting it today, then the American legal system went and lost its goddamned mind – again. Last week in Oklahoma, a judge made a decision that, “Forcible sodomy cannot occur where a victim is so intoxicated as to be completely unconscious at the time of the sexual act of oral copulation.” Ummmm…. bullshit. He based his reasoning on the the argument that the 17 year old boy who fo

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 5, 2015
6 min

Yes Means Yes – Baby Steps

California has enacted SB695, a law which will now required high schools in California to teach students about the concept of “affirmative consent.” According to the law, affirmative consent is defined as “as affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity.” This bill was created and passed as an attempt to address the rape epidemic on college campuses. The Bureau of Justice Statistics has reported that 20 percent of college-age women enrolled in

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