You are probably familiar with mantras. They are short statements or words said repeatedly to help focus you. They are rooted in Buddhism and Hinduism. However, many people have adopted them to fit the need to stay focused or connect with oneself.
If you have participated in some meditation classes, you probably experienced saying a single word or sound repeatedly to help focus your mind. The classic “Om” chanted during mediation is a mantra.
Why would these mantras be important to BDSM?
Mantras are there to focus the mind. In our daily lives, there are many distractions. You probably are aware of how much your brain is doing right before bed or when you take a shower. It sits there making grocery lists, winning an imaginary argument, rehearsing important conversations, going over your to-do list and more. Quieting those thoughts and focusing the mind is tricky for many of us. Mantras can help quiet those extraneous thoughts.
Having your mind focused and present makes you a better partner. Regardless of the side of the slash you occupy (or even if you switch), bringing your focus into your relationship dynamic and the present makes you more aware of your partner(s) and more able to connect with them.
Mantras can help you get into the headspace you want when you enjoy kinky play. Taking a few minutes to focus on your role and your intention before you begin playing can ground you in your role as a submissive, dominant, or anything else. Bringing intention to your play allows you to deepen what you do and experience during that time.
Mantras can become part of your protocols or rituals. For submissives who take their collars on and off, adding a mantra to the protocols of putting on a collar or removing it can serve to reinforce the power exchange relationship and connection to a dominant. For Dominants who place or remove collars for a submissive, creating your own mantra can focus you on the relationship and deepen your commitment to your submissive.
How Do I Create a Mantra?
Mantras are intensely personal. If you are using it as part of kink and BDSM, you will want to focus your mantra on your intentions and what you want to focus on after the mantra. This means you may want to create several mantras for a variety of situations.
Ask yourself the following questions:
What do I want to focus on in the immediate future?
What behavior do I want to reinforce?
What headspace do I want to bring myself into with this mantra?
When will I say this mantra?
Having a clear idea of what the mantra is for will help you find the words which best suit you. Writing down the answers to the questions will help you put into words what you are trying to find.
Once you have a clear idea what the purpose and timing of the mantra will be, try writing out a short statement which captures your feelings and thoughts. You may need to edit it several times. Reading it aloud to yourself will help you see if it feels natural saying it. If there are words which don’t feel right or you find yourself repeatedly substituting other words for, change your mantra to meet your needs.
Additionally, you need to connect with your mantra. Its great to tell yourself you are beautiful, always worthy of love and connection. If there is nothing in you which believes this, your mantra will not resonate with you. Write a mantra you feel connected too, not one which you think you need to connect too.
When Should I Use Mantras?
Mantras should be used whenever focusing yourself would be helpful. Incorporating them into established protocols or rituals may amplify their effectiveness. You may wish to create one for starting your day, before going to bed, or before you connect with your partner. You may want to develop ones for when you are struggling with submitting to a partner or when you feel less than worthy.
Mantras may be especially helpful for people living with anxiety and depression. Anxiety is much like meditating on all the things which can go wrong. Your mind is focused on all sorts of horrible thoughts. Having a mantra you can refer to when you feel anxious may help reground yourself.
Depression is an awful disease. It lies to you. Depression tells you that you are worthless, unlovable, or the world would be better off if you were not part of it. Depression is very convincing when you have these thoughts. Mantras can help focus the brain and remind you that depression is only a disease and you are not what your brain is currently telling you.
Mantras are also useful for people who have difficultly leaving your daily work and needs behind to focus on kinky play time. It can be difficult to get into a deep submissive or dominant headspace if you are still thinking about what needs to be done at work, if the dishes have been done, or what you need to buy at the craft store for your kid’s next homework project. Having a mantra which focuses you prior to entering BDSM play can be immensely useful in these situations.
Next Steps
Get a small notebook (or open a document on your computer) and write down your mantras. As you need to create or change them, keep running notes. Over time, you will develop a set of mantras which work in different situations. The notebook is also helpful to see how you progress in your kinky journey.
If you find audio cues helpful, record your mantras on your phone. When you need them to focus, you can play back your recording and hear your mantra.
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