Imani Barbarin I had a wonderful conversation with disabilities activist Imani Barbarin. You can hear our conversation here or the current episode of Fat Chicks on Top on any streaming service. We chat about her journey to become an activist, the American and French healthcare systems, representation, SSDI, COVID, and so much more!!! During our conversation, she said she wished there was a “No White People Left Behind” reading list that white folks could pass around and help

Four years ago I posted about the difficulty of navigating BDSM and racism. The language we use (Master/slave) and many of our practices (whipping, suspension) are very similar to practices used during America’s 400 years of slavery. The fact that people engage in these things with consent now is not enough to decouple the connection to slavery and racism. When I initially posted about the connections between racism and BDSM four years ago, very few folks were engaged with th

Happy Pride Month! This year Pride has been cancelled in most locations due to COVID-19 and celebrations are looking a bit different. Much of Pride has been overshadowed by the protests for racial justice in the United States. Additionally, Larry Kramer passed recently. Kramer was one of the gay leaders who has loomed large in my queer development. As a kid, I feared him. He seemed angry, virulent, and too in-your-face with his tactics for my shy self. I respected his work, b

The other night I was at a poetry open mic billed as a “safe space” for the LGBTQAII community. As per the norm in such spaces, the host was asking each person who signed up what their preferred pronouns were. This has become common practice in a lot of queer and sex positive spaces. I gave her my honest answer, “I don’t care.” My partner was in line behind me to sign up. The host asked him the same question. He replied “male” but after walking away, said he was very offended

A friend of mine, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, just became an American citizen. Upon receiving her passport, she posted on Facebook that she thought it would feel different becoming an American, that she would somehow feel included. She got her passport a day after the travel ban was announced. She did not feel American, nor did she feel like she belonged wholly in her country of origin. Like those of us who occupy space in multiple camps, us bisexuals, pansexuals, dual

In The Princess Bride one character keeps using the term “inconceivable.” Every time he says something is inconceivable the thing happens. Finally a second character says, “I do not think that word means what you think it means.” Intersectionality is the mot de jure. It is trotted out on blogs, in interviews with activists, at poetry readings, online, and in Facebook rants. In BDSM and poly groups, group leaders proudly procliam “this is an intersectional group!” However, I a

I have never chosen a partner to make a political point. However, I live in a country where my body and my sexuality are constantly under attack by the government. So, even though my attraction and connection with someone is not driven by my politics, who I love is inherently political. I have been thinking a lot about the intersection of my love life with my political life lately. With the threat to women, LGBTQ folks, POC and others by the incoming administration, I feel a

I love the BDSM community. I love kink. It is integral to who I am and how I see the world. I love the aesthetic, the values, and the people who live BDSM. But I struggle with parts of of the practice and language of kink. I have been struggling for a long time on resolving the M/s dynamic in kink, the language around this, and some kink play and my desire to be open and accepting and loving for all races in the community. When I initially got into BDSM, i didn’t think too mu

When I woke to news of the mass murders in Orlando last month I was devastated. The pain was visceral. I cried for days. Dozens of my queer compatriots were gunned down while celebrating their lives during Pride month. It made me ill. My partner is a man who hasn’t been steeped in the LGBTQ community. He knows gay folks and he is asks questions to figure out stuff and is kind and open to finding out why the community is so important to me. But, he does not have the history or

I write a lot about interracial dating and am open that I tend to date Black men. I want to address the personal ads and online dating profiles of people “seeking BBC (big, Black cock). Every time I see one of these ads I bristle. People are often surprised by my vehemence against the “seeking BBC” ads and the “Queens of Spades” groups on Fetlife. After all, I prefer dating Black men, so why would I not specifically seek out a BBC? First, there is the reduction of a person to

The timing of this post is prompted by a discussion currently occurring on Fetlife (major social network site for the kink community). A site member called out the racism which occurs on the site and has prompted a lot of discussion about race and racism in the kink world. As someone who dates primarily Black men, I wanted to way in on some issues. Loving Black Men I love Black men. I do. Since my ex- and I split, I have almost exclusively dated Black men (I have played with

Conceptions and understanding of race in America have long fascinated me. Race, at least for Americans, is generally a primary identification along with gender, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. Both personal racial identity and perceived racial identity (not the same at all for some people) have tremendous impacts on daily life. Race has been a huge in shaping politics, social interactions, perceptions of the poor and underclass, and determines in part our personal relation