top of page

Sex in the Apocalypse

Updated: Aug 22, 2022

Social distancing has definitely put a cramp in many sex lives. Online dating profiles are now including things like, “I have toilet paper reserves.” Orgies are being cancelled. And bars are limited capacity or closed. So, what are kinky folks to do?

The coronovirus is so bad gays are starting to just sleep with their boyfriends again. Lana Del Gay (Twitter)

There are actually lots of safe and fun ways to keep the kink up while still practicing social distancing.

  1. Its totally okay to sleep with the people you are living with! Social distancing generally does not include people who live in your home (unless you are a healthcare provider, then some distancing is required for safety). If you are married, have a nesting partner, living with someone, or have roommates, its totally okay to keep getting it on! Of course, if they think they have been exposed or show any symptoms you should refrain and take precautions. But, if you are like me and stuck indoors with a hottie who hasn’t been out except to doctor’s appointments and to grab stuff from the grocery store, you are probably okay.

  2. Sexting. Sending sexy texts and pictures is also a safe activity. You can chat up a storm over text, add a few sexy photos, and even engage in D/s play over your phone. First- just because this is not in person does not mean consent goes out the window. If someone says they don’t want to engage in sexting or is uncomfortable with some language, you need to respect that. If you are both down, go for it!

The trick to good sexting is to treat it like sex. For most folks, that means ramping up and some “foreplay.” Just at you would not jump immediately to insertion or cracking a cane across someone’s butt cheeks without warm up, don’t jump right into the nasty with sexting. Sending suggestive texts like, “Ooooh, I want to feel your lips kissing the base of my neck,” or “Imaging me running my fingers over the top of your hip bone,” are subtle and hot ways to start a session.

Use language you are comfortable with. If you call your vulva and clit your “lady bits,” use that language in text. If you call a penis a “dick” and not a “cock,” stick with that. If you are stuck for words Google “synonmyms for [insert word].” You will be amazed at the variety of terms there are for body parts and sex acts!

If you are in a D/s type relationship, sending commands to your submissive can be really hot. Send the sub a text telling them to do something like take a full body nude or take a short video of them edging, or instruct them to put in a butt plug and send a picture. Set time limits if you desire. This can be very hot for both of you!

3. Video Chatting. While similar to sexting, this adds the visual and is more immediate. There are dozens of different programs to video chat (although I do not recommend Facebook Messenger since the company has reported monitoring private messages and storing all messages on their servers and making those available to staff for short periods of time. Assholes!).

For a good quality video chat, position your device somewhere you can leave it without having to hold it and which shoots the parts of you your partner desires to see. Get comfortable and start chatting. Activities such as mutual masturbation or asking your submissive to do specific acts is very sexy. You can do a strip tease. You can play games like “Simon Says” but with sexy commands. You can just look at each other and describe fantasies. All of these are HOT!

4. Watch porn together! Send each other links of porn you enjoy. You can then watch it on laptops or tables while on the phone together or video chatting. Listening to your partner masturbate while they watch the porn link you sent is hotter than you might think!

Despite the dire predictions, this won’t be the end of sex or hook-ups. It may be temporarily putting a stoppage on your random hook-ups but there are options! Explore new ways to play together.

AND, for fuck sake, stop hanging out in big crowds, going to bars to drink with large groups, or doing stupid shit on Spring Break. While YOU may be in your 20s and 30s and feel like this won’t seriously impact you, we now know that folks in their 20s and 30s are likely to carry coronovirus and not have symptoms. You are still infecting others even when you don’t feel sick!!! Stay in, stay healthy, and for the love of all that is holy, stop fucking licking public doorknobs!

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page