Updated: Aug 23
Service is quintessential to much of submission. Submissives of many ilks incorporate some form of service into their submission. We teach service and elevate it in the kink community.
For some people, service is a price of getting what they want out of submission. They don’t necessarily enjoy service, but will do it to be a good sub. However, for people like me, those who identify as a service submissive, service is fulfilling and often enjoyable.
I love bringing my Sir coffee in the morning. I love preparing a bath and shaving his face. I love giving him pedicures, and figuring out things to make his life easier, ironing his shirts and making our bed. There is a deep joy when I can do these things for my Sir and I feel a loss when I can’t.
Service for me goes deeper than serving just my Sir. When I was in high school, I was part of the National Honors Society. When I was a senior, the NHS does a ceremony where members commit their lives to one of five pillars. I had been encouraged and expected to pledge to leadership. I had been a student leader and I have lead in a variety of capacities since then. It is something I am skilled at and do because I know things need to get done. But I do not draw joy from it. I pledged to service.
I serve people in non-romantic ways all the time. I love cooking and cleaning. It satisfies me in a way I suspect I was probably a happy scullery maid in a former life. Tasks like polishing my silver and planning an elaborate dinner party make my weekend. I clean voluntarily for sick friends, offer to baby sit and walk dog, because doing something that someone else needs done makes me happy.
Service gives me focus and purpose. If I am doing some sort of service I know my role. I know that I am needed and wanted. I can navigate a situation without having to judge and figure out every move. It provides comfort.
My step-father passed last week after a surgery went poorly. I had come down to be with my folks a couple days after the surgery. Within 24 hours of arriving, it became clear that my step-dad was in a horrible state. He passed two days later.
I kicked into service mode. I have been cooking and cleaning and shopping… keeping the house running. People keep asking me if I need to sit, to cry, to mourn like they think I should. They keep thinking service is somehow an imposition. The reality is, being able to make my mom dinner, to sort through the files and possessions, to organize, catalog and figure out what needs to be done for a memorial gives me deep comfort.
The day after he passed, the one thing I wanted most in the world was for my Sir to be here and just give me instructions. He is unable to take weeks off of work and leave town, and that is understandable. Having someone else give me direction, and take that last piece of responsibility from me, would have provided more comfort. However, just being able to get up in the morning, make coffee for my mom, feed the dogs and figure out what I need to get done for the day makes me happy.
It is hard to explain joy from service to those who don’t get pleasure from this. My ex-wife was at a discussion group where people were talking about sub drop. A service sub said she experienced drop, then felt the need to clean and make 12 dozen cookies. In relating the story, my ex said, “Never in my life have I thought cleaning and making cookies sounded like a good idea, let alone would be something I would do after a scene.” Not a service bone in that woman’s body. LOL
For those of you who know and love service subs, it might be hard to get that we love what we do. When I polish your shoes, iron your shirts and show up at the door with your drink, it is not because I have to. It is because I love doing that. Taking that away from me hurts. So, let your service subs serve you. Sit back, enjoy, and give us a few commands.