#submission

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

Rebecca Blanton

Jul 24, 2022
2 min

Sexual Fantasy Research

Sponsored Post We don’t tend to talk about sexual fantasies with many people. Too many of us carry shame around the things we know turn us on. This means many of us don’t look for ways to express our desires in a healthy way. For many kinky folks, turing to BDSM is a great way to begin to explore these previously private fantasies. In the past two decades, there has been an increasing amount of academic inquiry to the way we develop fantasies, how they shape our sex lives, an

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A Sexy Bucket List: How many have you done?

Rebecca Blanton

May 25, 2022
2 min

A Sexy Bucket List: How many have you done?

I am a fan of sexual and intimacy goal setting. It is a way to prioritize your pleasure and not let it languish as life happens. It also provides inspiration when things feel a bit redundant or boring. However, so many sexual bucket lists take two approaches I am not a fan of. The first lists types or people to have sex with. These lists fetishize race, size, fame and are gross in my opinion. The other approach is to list a long set of activities with little context. These ca

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Kink-Life Balance: Is 24/7 Really for You?

Rebecca Blanton

May 3, 2022
4 min

Kink-Life Balance: Is 24/7 Really for You?

In the world of BDMS, power exchange, and kinky shenanigans, people who identify as having a 24/7 dynamic are often seen as the “ideal” kinkster. We privilege folks who claim to have their kink dynamic running all the time, rain or shine, work or play. Firstly, I think this type of privileging of 24/7 is silly. To be in a permanent dynamic all the time means: 1) you must be coupled, 2) you life a life where work, family, and other stuff doesn’t interfere with your dynamic, an

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 22, 2022
4 min

7 Ways to Expand Your Dynamic

BDSM and power exchange is often portrayed as something which exists as something in the bedroom. Yes, a large part of people’s dynamics and play can revolve around sexuality and kink play. However, taking your dynamic and play outside of the bedroom can increase your intimacy and connection with a partner. When expanding your dynamic outside of private quarters, make sure you discuss boundaries and limits. Depending on your job, your family, and your social life, how much co

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Rebecca Blanton

Mar 28, 2022
4 min

The #1 Thing Dom(me)s Hate!

I work with a lot of kinky folks of all identities and levels of experience. When I talk to folks from the left side of the slash, they all say one thing. “I am not a mind reader.” It doesn’t matter if we are talking about how to make scenes hotter, how to improve D/s dynamics, or what frustrates them most with the submissives they encounter, every dominant hates the assumption that they can read your mind. I am not a mind reader. Every Dominant, ever. It is easy to understan

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Rebecca Blanton

Mar 15, 2022
3 min

Should Submissives Express THEIR Needs?

When you are submissive or enjoy being submissive with a partner, navigating your own desires can be tricky. As submissives, we sometime engage in denying our own desires as part of kink play (e.g., orgasm control or denial). Additionally, we prioritize serving the needs of a dominant. However, the reasons people seek out submissive relationships where their desires are low priority or denied are not uniform. Understanding why you are attracted to these types of relationships

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One Question Every Submissive Needs to Answer

Rebecca Blanton

Feb 21, 2022
2 min

One Question Every Submissive Needs to Answer

When I am on my knees, looking up at my Dom, waiting on his command, I am in complete bliss. There is something wonderful and liberating about sexual submission. The freedom, the deep trust, the connection I feel in this moment is unparalleled. I know I am not alone in this. I have one question for every person exploring submission I talk to about their practice: Why? Why do you submit? Yes, it can be thrilling and freeing. It can meet your needs to let go of responsibility.

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Rebecca Blanton

Feb 5, 2022
6 min

Head Space 101

If you have spent any time on kink blogs, podcasts, or in a class, you have heard people mention “head space.” Head space refers to the emotional and cognitive space people want to be in when engaging in kink. It is basically shutting down your squirrel brain (the part that is always making to-do lists, worrying, etc.) and becoming present with the moment AND embodying you role in kink. This little term does a lot of heavy lifting! This post breaks down the different aspects

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Home For the Holidays? Ways to stay kinky while visiting relatives

Rebecca Blanton

Nov 1, 2021
3 min

Home For the Holidays? Ways to stay kinky while visiting relatives

Nothing puts a damper of getting down and dirty as visiting the parents for the holidays! With mom, dad, the kids, grandparents, or other relatives in the house it can be hard to express your kink with a partner as you would if you were alone or with other kinky folks. So, what is a wild and kinky guy to do? Here are ways to practice your kink and power exchange without alerting others! Use “Sir” or “Madam/Miss” Honorifics If your power exchange relationship involves using ho

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 23, 2021
5 min

BDSM Tips for Beginners

Sponsored Post from HotCherry.com Of all sex practices, BDSM might just be the most misunderstood. Many people associate it with extremes, believe it inflicts emotional or physical harm, or see it as something that’s abnormally perverse, beyond kinky. However, beginners need to understand that all of these views are exaggerated. BDSM incorporates the categories of dominance/submission, bondage/discipline, and sadism/masochism. As long as you’re able to discuss boundaries with

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Can’t Find the Dom(me) of Your Dreams? This May Be Why!

Rebecca Blanton

Oct 13, 2021
6 min

Can’t Find the Dom(me) of Your Dreams? This May Be Why!

Dating while kinky can be fun. It can also be immensely frustrating! Finding and connecting with a partner who matches you on desire, relationship compatability, and personality is difficult at best. It can be easy to find someone to play with but much harder to find a long-term romantic partner. For many submissives, being single is hard in the same way being single for anyone can be hard. However, kinky folks have an added component of feeling like they are not “really a su

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What Can You Do If You Disagree with Your Dominant?

Rebecca Blanton

Sep 20, 2021
3 min

What Can You Do If You Disagree with Your Dominant?

One of the most difficult issues of being a submissive or other s-type is having a disagreement with your dominant. Power exchange relationships often include agreements about areas of power where the dominant gets final decision control. Finding yourself at odds with thier decisions in one of these areas can be emotionally taxing for a submissive. Finding a way to express your concerns and disagreements without violating the relationship dynamic is a common challenge for man

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5 Common Beliefs Which Undermine Your Sex Life

Rebecca Blanton

Sep 12, 2021
4 min

5 Common Beliefs Which Undermine Your Sex Life

You receive messages about sex and sexuality your entire live. From the media you watch, listen to, and read, to how your parents discussed sex and sexuality, to what friends say, you learn all sorts of stuff about sexuality. While some of this information can be helpful, much of it is biased, heternormative, and culturally biased. You take in messages about sex and sexuality and even when you don’t want them to, and then they shape your behavior and beliefs. This blog covers

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 18, 2021
4 min

BDSM Beyond the Bedroom

If you are new-ish to kink you may be under the impression that power exchange and kink are specifically for sex and intimate play time. Its easy to get that impression with the way BDSM is portrayed in the wider media. However, for many people, power exchange and kink go beyond sex and intimate play. It is a way to structure relationships, affirm identities, and maintain connections with partners. How Do I Know if BDSM Beyond the Bedroom is Right for Me? If you have been enj

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Rebecca Blanton

May 25, 2021
5 min

Do This BEFORE a Partner Cheats

Listen on Spotify Finding out your partner has cheated on you is often devastating. Regardless of your relationship style (monogamous, non-monogamous, polyam), partners can cheat. Any time a person violates the pre-agreed upon boundaries of a relationship, that is cheating. As a society, we talk about cheating in salacious ways. Its office or church gossip. It’s watching Cheaters, or daytime talk shows. It is seen as a terminal point for a relationships. When famous folks che

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 28, 2021
12 min

What Is a Submissive’s Responsibility?

I love it when I come across people writing about submission in a deep and thoughtful way! If you have not discovered The Pleasure Coach, check out this post to get you started: The Sovereignty of Submission. Reading this post brought me back to the subject of power and submission (see here here and here for examples). I come from the viewpoint that both partners in a D/s style relationship have power and responsibility. Even in a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic both parties have s

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 25, 2021
3 min

Sexy Valentine’s Day Inspirations!

Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching (again). Even if you are jaded toward this corporate day of forced romance and sex, you can still use it as an excuse to have some hot, kinky sex. Pretty much any excuse to have some hot, kinky sex is a great thing in my opinion. This year, we are limited by what is available thanks to COVID. Indoor dining at fancy restaurants is very limited (or not available at all, depending on your location). A romantic night in a hotel may not be sa

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 22, 2021
3 min

Expanding Your Kink

January 2021 brings both the desire to set goals for the new year and marks ten months in various stages of lockdown for most of us. Many of us are feeling restless, bored, disconnected, or otherwise unsatisfied. The combination of these things has made me (and probably you) want to expand your kink or explore new realms. Having limited access to our typical munches, conferences, and play spaces means many of us have had fewer outlets for our kinky desires. Additionally, bein

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 15, 2020
4 min

Anticipatory Service

Many of us identify as “service submissives.” We enjoy serving others (at least we enjoy serving a D-type). Some of us (including me) base our identity in part on our ability to serve. Service takes many forms. It may be sexual, domestic, emotional, physical or other. It may look like someone agreeting to participate in sexual acts which are preferred by a D-type which the sub may not take much interest in but agrees to participate as a form of service. It can be bringing you

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Rebecca Blanton

May 25, 2020
3 min

BDSM Resources (updated 01.09.22)

I’ve been asked by several folx to provide a set of good readings on D/s dynamics. While this is far from a complete list, here is a good place to start. I will continue to update over time. LAST UPDATED 07/2022 Kink Education and Organization Sites www.BSDM.org BDSM Education Center www.BDSMEducCenter.com (broken link fixed 1/20/2020) Black Rose www.BR.org Center for Sex Positive Culture www.thecspc.org Community Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualitites

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