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Planning a Scene

I love planning scenes. Figuring out the details, setting up the situations, and preparing the tools and clothing for a scene has always been exciting for me.

I realized I now have a systematic process for setting up scenes. Be they simple date night scenes were we have done all the play before or a new scene with a new partner, I go through the same basic steps.

Since some people are new to setting up a scene, others have limited experience, and still others have not set one up in a long time I am uploading my basic checklist for a scene. The steps apply for any number of partners, any gender combinations, and most types of kink scenes. Some of the questions will be more relevant than others depending on your specific situation.

As a sub, why would I plan scenes? Subs and other s-types can plan out and set up scenes as part of service, part of protocol, and just to be helpful. As a service sub, I also top on occasion. This worksheet applies regardless of your roll.

As with any kink advice, use what works for you and discard what doesn’t.

The link below is a downloadable PDF in case you want to use the checklist without having to log back into this blog. The worksheet contents are pasted into this blog post below the link as well.

Planning a Scene (link to downloadable PDF)


Planning a Scene

This worksheet is to help people plan a kink or BDSM scene. These are basic questions you should ask about each scene you set up. People on both sides of the slash will have occasions to set up a scene or play of some kind. Regardless of your roll, these are important questions.

If there are more than two people participating in a scene, make sure everyone is on the same page. The “Key Questions” and “Aftercare” sections apply to all people playing in a given scene.

For experienced kinksters, much of this will feel like a second nature. It’s something most of us learn over time as we develop our kink rolls and have the opportunities for more play. This sheet can be useful for newer players, for people who have not set up a scene in a while, for people who like checklists, or for D-types to provide to their subs and slaves when they want the s-type to set up a scene.

Basic Info


Purpose (e.g., catharsis, try something new, date night fun time)

This may or may not be elaborate for you. If you are seeking a cathartic or healing scene, you should make sure those needs are clear with your partners. Statements like “I want to be flogged until I cry,” or “I want to work through my fear of confined spaces,” help all participants know your intentions with a scene. Being clear about your needs and intentions with others will help improve the scene for you.

For other scenes, it may be as simple as “It’s our date night and I want to play.”

Key Questions:

How do you want to feel when it’s finished?

How does your partner(s) want to feel when it’s finished?

What are your triggers? Have you told these to your partner?

What are your partner’s triggers? Ask if there are words, terms, sounds, smells or other things which cause your partner(s) to lose focus or become emotionally/physically distressed during a scene.

Pre-Scene Set Up

Have you checked to see if the location is available?

Do you need any special permissions or memberships? (This mostly applies if you are planning to play in a play space or dungeon.)

If you are not playing at your home, is the type of play you want to do allowed in the space? For example, some dungeons/play spaces don’t allow fire scenes. If you are at a hotel/conference party, they may not allow penetration/sex for play.

List the clothing you will need.

List the toys and tools you will need.

Do you need to purchase or make any items for the scene?

Will you be providing the music for the scene? If so, have you made a playlist? Do you have a way to play the music where the scene will take place? (If you are suing a streaming service, have you paid for a commercial free subscription?)

Do you need special safety equipment (e.g. sharps box, fire extinguisher, drop cloths)

Does the location have a restroom facility or option (e.g. participants are comfortable peeing in the woods)?

If you or your partners have children, have you secured appropriate child care?

If there are pets at the location, can the pets be around during the scene or can they be secured in another room/area to keep players safe?


Have you read about/taken a class on/researched the special safety precautions needed for your play? Make sure this information covers many of the scenarios which could go wrong. For example, if you are caning someone, it is possible to break the skin. Do you have clean gauze or towels and Bactine just in case you need to clean a wound afterward? If you are restraining someone with rope, tape or similar items, do you have safety scissors? If you are doing pony play in a wooded area, someone could reasonably twist an ankle. Do you have an ace bandage and a way to get them safely back to the car if they can’t put weight on the foot? While most of the time these things will never come up, making sure your basic safety precautions are covered is critical for fun and repeated play.

List the common possible injuries.

List the equipment and supplies needed to treat these injuries.

Do you have all the necessary equipment?

Do you and your partner(s) have agreed upon safety words or signals?

Preparing the Space

If using an established play space, have you secured any special permission? Paid the necessary fees?

Set safety equipment in a nearby spot where it is easily accessible during the scene.

Set up the equipment you need, if necessary. Wipe down the equipment with sanitizer if using public equipment.

Set out the play implements (if necessary).

Prepare music for playback (if using).

Set lighting (if you are controlling this).

Make sure lubricants, condoms, dental dams, gloves, wet wipes and other necessary health items are easily available.

Preparing Yourself

Shower/bath (if desired)

Dress (depending on the scene, this might be quite extensive)

Anal douche (if appropriate)

Take a few minutes to be quite and focus before play.


Not every scene will require aftercare. Not every partner requires aftercare after every scene. However, it’s important to check in with your partners afterward and provide them some “cool down” time.

Is there a space for aftercare?

Have you talked about after care needs?

Do you have a plan if things go wrong?

Have to talked about the top/D-type’s aftercare needs as well as the bottom/s-Type?

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