Updated: Aug 22
January 2021 brings both the desire to set goals for the new year and marks ten months in various stages of lockdown for most of us. Many of us are feeling restless, bored, disconnected, or otherwise unsatisfied. The combination of these things has made me (and probably you) want to expand your kink or explore new realms.
Having limited access to our typical munches, conferences, and play spaces means many of us have had fewer outlets for our kinky desires. Additionally, being stuck at home often means we have to limit play because of others are in the house. Under these limitations, how do we expand and explore our kink?
Find a New Area of Kink
I like to picture kinky behavior as a set of different circles. Each circle is a general area of kinky play which encompasses many different types of play and power exchange. The areas are broad: Time, Social/Familial, Physical, Sexual, Financial, Health, Behavioral/Emotional, Other. Within each area there are many more specified actions or behaviors (see Image 1.)
Image 1. Circles of Control
One way to explore your kink with the more limited resources available currently is to explore a new area within a circle of power you are currently playing. For example, if you are currently engaged in kinky or power play around dressing standards, you may want to introduce play around personal grooming standards. You could ask a partner to either grow or shave various areas of body hair. Asking a submissive man to shave his armpits, for example, can create a new sensation for him physically. If he is attached to the idea that men don’t shave their underarms, it can also play into forced feminization or humiliation play as well.
Alternatively, you may choose to begin to engage in a new area of kinky or power play. If you have only used honorifics in a play scene, expanding their use outside of those parameters can be very powerful for people. You may want to try having your submissive use third person language in a scene, or when discussing topics which are difficult to them and see how they react.
Escalating Play Within an Area of Control
If you don’t want to explore new areas of kink, you may want to try escalating your play within an area of control you have already engaged. For example, if you have already tried assigning a submissive clothing to wear for date nights or scenes, you may want to escalate that to dictating clothing requirements when at home or assign undergarments for the week (or have someone go commando for a week).
Escalating an area of play can increase the levels of control a person experiences in play. It can be thrilling to “ramp up” a type of play. Keep in mind it is important to negotiate the new level of play and check in with partners regularly to see how they are responding to these new levels.
Trying a new form of kink or power exchange can help address the oppressiveness of lockdown. It can bring people deeper into their dynamics. It can give you a chance to try something new and exciting and help you explore who you want to be within kink and relationships.
There are a ton of great classes being offered by kinky education groups right now. Wicked Grounds, the BDSM Education Center, Dan and Dawn of Erotic Awakening, Black-Thorn.org and more have ongoing classes with great instructors. The Kink Academy offers online tutorials, videos and blog entries on a wide variety of kinky play. I strongly suggest checking these out and finding new ways to have fun this year!