Is This Weird???
Updated: Aug 23, 2022
Simple answer… yes, yes it is. Regardless of what you do, it is weird to someone.
One the the most shocking things I do or say is that I am not into all kink. I will be talking to someone, they will bring up a kink or fetish of some kind, and I will tell them I am either just not into it or I think it is weird. Its not that I think it is wrong or bad, just weird.
I shock people because they tend to know what I do and think that by extension I would be into all kink. I am not. No one is. I always I know I am talking to someone without much exposure to kink when they tell me that sexually, “I am into pretty much everything.” Awwww… sweetie, you have not see the wide, wide world of sex.
I am into plenty of stuff other people find weird. I love getting lit on fire. I find it sensual and sexy and fun! (Instagram videos of this @AuntieVice). I recently discovered I like knife play, where knives are drawn across your body – almost like a massage but with sharp steel. I know people find all of this super freaky. Some people see it and the understand the attraction and that it can be sensual. Others bite their fist and say, “Damn! Why you do that???”
I don’t mind that people find it odd or weird, its my thing. And that is the point.
I don’t mind that people find it odd or weird, its my thing. And that is the point. Your kink is your kink. Like getting your toes sucked? Cool, find a toe sucking partner. Like getting sealed in a vacuum bed, great! Find someone with the experience and equipment to do that! Just don’t expect a wide variety of people to sign up to play with you.
Some kink and fetishes tend to be wildly popular. Light bondage, lighter flogging and paddling, sensation play… these tend to be widely practiced and enjoyed. Even folks who consider themselves very vanilla will occasionally tie each other up with scarves or robe ties. A light spanking is super popular. A little role play generally goes over well.
But, when you cross over to the more obscure kinks and more “hard core” play, partners and accepting communities drop off. I play pretty hard when it comes to impact play. One of the last times I did a public scene I was at Voodoo Leatherworks in Colorado Springs (great place! Great DM!). I was playing with my best friend and he and I play hard. He had a new play partner in tow that night. We spent most of the night reassuring her that what she was going to see was not his baseline play and would not be inflicted on her unless she ultimately chose to work up to that type of play. I had a great time, but I knew what was in store would be a lot for most people to absorb as “fun!”
Part of anyone’s kink journey is getting comfortable with their kink. We are raised to think most kink behavior is “weird” and “wrong” and “sick.” People who come into their kink later that puberty tend to think that they are by extension “weird” and “wrong” and “sick.” Fighting with self-acceptance and fulfilling a deep need becomes a big part of internal conflict around personal kink. Having people be judgmental about your needs does not help.
Where I come down on things is, it may be weird or unappealing to me, but I am not participating, so it really doesn’t matter. If you are safe and sane about your play, godspeed! I wish you well.
For those of us in the kink communities, we need to work on practicing acceptance and encouraging exploration, even when we find some kink unappealing personally. I hate it when people at conferences or in play spaces belittle or get grossed out by someone else’s kink when they are not in the scene. We all have been in a position of weirding someone out with our desires and know how bad it feels to be judged. We need to respect other people’s desires and just make sure they are safe about it.
For newbies, I encourage you to keep looking for someone into what you like. There may be a huge community (rope folks) or a very small community (rubber band play). But if you like something, and you want to do it, look for partners who are respectful and encouraging and interested in playing. Ultimately, its about you, your needs, and your desires. Screw the rest of us who think you are weird.