#tips

Love letters to a unicorn is a blog covering kink, power exchange, and sex from the perspective of a submissive or bottom. It provides sex toy reviews and a vetted list of resources as well.

Rebecca Blanton

Feb 22, 2021
5 min

7 Tips to Improve Your Sexy Banter

Listen on Spotify Want to stimulate the biggest sex organ for anyone? You need to get their brain aroused! While many of us rely on visual stimuli to turn on our partners, learning to talk sexy to them can up our foreplay game, improve communication, and ultimately result in better sex. For so many of us, dirty talk does not come naturally. It can feel forced, awkward, or just off-putting when we first try and let sexy things cross our lips. In general, sexy talk takes practi

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Sex Life in a Rut? Break Out of It With These 5 Tips

Rebecca Blanton

Feb 16, 2021
4 min

Sex Life in a Rut? Break Out of It With These 5 Tips

Listen on Spotify One of my favorite scenes from a movie is the therapy scene in the beginning of The Ref. Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey are in couples therapy and BD Wong is the therapist. At one point, Judy Davis’ is asked about their sex life. She replies: A couple of kisses. A couple of nipple twists. It would all be over in the time it takes to make a cappuccino. I know because I timed it once. ~ The Ref I love it because that rings true for anyone who has gotten into a se

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 25, 2021
3 min

Sexy Valentine’s Day Inspirations!

Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching (again). Even if you are jaded toward this corporate day of forced romance and sex, you can still use it as an excuse to have some hot, kinky sex. Pretty much any excuse to have some hot, kinky sex is a great thing in my opinion. This year, we are limited by what is available thanks to COVID. Indoor dining at fancy restaurants is very limited (or not available at all, depending on your location). A romantic night in a hotel may not be sa

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Having a Hard Time Feeling Sexy? You are Not Alone!

Rebecca Blanton

Nov 16, 2020
10 min

Having a Hard Time Feeling Sexy? You are Not Alone!

Its been a hard year. A. Very. Hard. Year. Between COVID lockdowns and restrictions, the election, the United States beginning to recon with is horrible treatment of Black Americans, many of us losing our jobs, and just general jack-assery by so many people, it has sucked for most of us. Me included. There are plenty of days I want to run around screaming just to try and release a sense of existential dread. If, in the middle of all of this, you are having a hard time feelin

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 23, 2020
8 min

Fisting 101

So, you want to try fisting. Or you heard about it. Or you tried it and it didn’t quite work. Well, let me welcome you to the wonderful world of fisting! Full disclaimer: Fisting is my jam! I actually was fisted regularly at 13, before I had other things penetrate my vagina. I love it to this day. I am 33 years into this type of sex act and have picked up a lot of tips, tools, and fun facts I want to pass along. What is fisting, technically? Fisting is the act of inserting a

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Rebecca Blanton

Apr 22, 2020
4 min

Six Sexting Tips

With shelter in place orders dragging on more folks are trying sexting and sexy video chatting as an alternative to in-person hook-ups. The problem is that most of us feel uncomfortable when we start trying to be sexy in a new medium. Like teenage flirting awkward. So, what can you do to make these things less awkward and awesome? Here are six tips. Start Slowly If you are new to sexy talk or video chat, it can be difficult to know where to start. Avoid the desire to cut to t

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Rebecca Blanton

Feb 7, 2020
6 min

Turn Your Kitchen Into Kink Central!

Pervertables – items intended for non-kinky purposes used for kink play – are some of my favorite toys! I love incorporating everyday items into fun things for sexy play. I love shopping at Home Depot or Michael’s Arts and Crafts all innocent and “crafty soccer mom” looking in my yoga pants knowing the items I am picking up will be used in very NSFW way. They also appeal to the crafter in me (which is also how I have referred to more than one date while being fisted). Safety

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 28, 2020
8 min

So You Want to Try a Threesome…

One of my favorite old BritComs is Coupling (sort of the British Friends). In one of the episodes the highly sexed Patrick announces that he is going to dump his girlfriend of the moment because she is too naive. She ruled out a threesome at the first mention of one! Patrick insists that threesomes don’t really happen, they are just a fantasy that a woman must prolong up until the point she has a baby. So, okay, looking beyond the misogynism and stereotypes here, the show doe

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 14, 2020
7 min

10 Things EVERY Kinky Person Should Try

We all have our limits, be they soft or hard. Not everyone likes spanking. Not everyone enjoys rope. We are all loosely bound by our “nontraditional” sex acts we enjoy and collectively call “kink.” Despite the fact there is no one kinky activity everyone will enjoy, there are some kinky experiences which all kinky folks should try at some point in their kinky journey. The list of activities includes ways to connect with the community, connect with yourself, and explore the br

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 5, 2019
5 min

Pain and Presence

There are different theories on how people “should” deal with pain. Some folks argue for being present with the pain. Some argue for focusing on other things and divorcing oneself from the pain. Some argue that you should use visualization to give your pain meaning. I don’t believe there is a right way to respond to pain. Nor do I believe in “shoulds” for the most part when talking BDSM. What I do know is I have spent years experimenting with how pain is understood and experi

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Add a Buzz to Your Sex Life: Introducing Toys

Rebecca Blanton

Jun 12, 2019
6 min

Add a Buzz to Your Sex Life: Introducing Toys

The first time I ordered a sex toy I was 19. It was a vibrator from Good Vibrations in San Francisco. I can remember not knowing really what I wanted but scanning their pages for days until I got up the courage to place an order. The first time I went into a sex shop it was also in San Francisco in the Castro district. I went in to peruse with a friend who ended up leaning on a massive carved dick accidentally while the shop owner asked if he was looking for VHS cleaner. We w

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 27, 2018
10 min

10 Things Everyone Can Learn from Kink

One of the most fortuitous events in my life was discovering the kinky world at about the same time I started puberty. It provided me with a buffer from the shaming, consent violating, controlling norms of our predominant culture. I didn’t realize how much pain I was protected from growing up kinky until much later in life. Thirty years down the road, I look back and can honestly say, regardless of what activities you actually enjoy doing in bed kink culture can teach you a f

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Rebecca Blanton

Sep 1, 2018
6 min

How to Love Your Anxious Partner

Living with anxiety is a bitch. We all experience anxiety at some point in our lives. However, lots of folks live with anxiety as part of a clinical disorder or health condition. In the U.S., 18 percent of adults (over 40 million of us) live with clinical anxiety. This persistent and excessive worrying is difficult on the person with anxiety as well as on the people who love them. Anxiety can interfere with relationships and with a person’s sex life. Worrying about how you lo

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 21, 2018
9 min

Negotiation 101 for Subby Types

We talk a lot about negotiation in the kink scene. Negotiating what you will and will not do, what you want and what your partner(s) want is kind of kink 101. Most writing addresses negotiation either from a global perspective (e.g., tips for people on all sides of the slash) or as a “how to get what you want from your partner” perspective. There is less information about how to negotiation from the position of a submissive. That, dear reader, is why this post is here! DON’T’

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5 Skills for Fighting Fair in Kinky Relationships

Rebecca Blanton

Jun 9, 2018
6 min

5 Skills for Fighting Fair in Kinky Relationships

Healthy couples fight. Most healthy couples don’t fight often, but disagreements do arise, emotions heighten and we fight. Its actually a good thing. Repressing feelings, saying nothing, rolling over to your partner’s every demand or becoming a passive-aggressive pain-in-the-ass is not healthy. Fighting as a couple can be tricky. It takes time and practice to learn to fight fair. In a power exchange relationship, fighting is made trickier because of the roles we assume and fe

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Rebecca Blanton

Jun 4, 2018
5 min

Planning a Scene

I love planning scenes. Figuring out the details, setting up the situations, and preparing the tools and clothing for a scene has always been exciting for me. I realized I now have a systematic process for setting up scenes. Be they simple date night scenes were we have done all the play before or a new scene with a new partner, I go through the same basic steps. Since some people are new to setting up a scene, others have limited experience, and still others have not set one

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Top 10 Tips for Loving Someone Loving with Mental Illness

Rebecca Blanton

May 17, 2018
6 min

Top 10 Tips for Loving Someone Loving with Mental Illness

It’s National Mental Health Awareness Month so lets talk about power exchange and mental illness. Depending on the source, between 20 and 25 percent of adults experience a mental illness at least once in a lifetime. This means there is a high probability you will, at some point in your adult life, date and/or love someone with a mental illness. Here are the “Top 10 Things” you should know about being in a romantic, kinky relationship with someone living with a mental illness

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Rebecca Blanton

Jan 22, 2018
5 min

7 Tips for the New Switch

So you want to try switching things up. Great! There are a lot of benefits to switching power positions (e.g., a submissive trying topping). You will learn a lot about your own desires and your own internalized perceptions of the side of the slash you occupy. You may also gain a deeper appreciation for the side of the slash you normally do not occupy. There are a few things to keep in mind if you try switching. 1. Your version of bottoming may not be the same at the person yo

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Rebecca Blanton

Oct 23, 2017
7 min

The Submissive’s Body & Chronic Pain

The submissive’s body is a unique thing. Our body is ours, first and foremost. We have the right and the responsibility to keep it safe. We also keep and prepare our bodies for a dominant’s use and enjoyment. Many submissives, though not all by a long shot, enjoy some form of pain, be it mild or more extreme. Our relationship with pain is different than people who do not receive some form of satisfaction or enjoyment from certain types of pain. This means in caring for our bo

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Rebecca Blanton

Aug 7, 2017
5 min

Help! I’m Kinky and I’m Broke!

The U.S. kink community, like the rest of the United States, is experiencing a growing divide between the “haves” and “have-nots.” As kink becomes more visible and BDSM clubs make it on to more American’s sexual bucket list, entrepreneurs have seen the possibility to make tons of money. If you peruse the web to get some general costs for kinky gear, there is (of course) a huge split. Toys, fetish wear, and various furniture for kink play can run into the thousands in a very s

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